All it took was the blink of an eye
That's all it took for my life to be ripped
That's all it took for my innocence to be stripped
That's all it took for my life to be stolen away
My heart was so young,
Much too young to be broken
But cruelty has no limits
And some crimes never end
I want to hold on, I want to keep believing
But sometimes faith is for the naïve
And karma for the innocent
I would never confess, I would never cry
But how can one's punishment last an eternity,
When the only crime was a child's ignorance?
Though I am alive,
I can't admit to living
For my life was sacrificed
When they took my soul from me
And replaced it with a mirror that only reflected people's judgement
I torture myself day after day trying to remember
But I remember only one thing,
The way you looked at me
It's the only thing that keeps me pushing when the walls are caving in
Its the only thing I see when I close my eyes
Though you're not here next to me,
Though you can't speak
I still see you clearly
I still hear your heart
I still feel your love
But now it's time
Now it's time to say goodbye
Hi
I really enjoyed this poem, it was very interesting and full of emotion. It was really sad as well, (I assume you are talking about suicide). Anyway it really hit a chord with me. Not just because of the topic but because the whole poem wasn't tied down by clichés. It was different. The way it started was brilliant, (if slightly of putting on what the rest of the poem is about) yet I think that this is good because it keeps you guessing what the story is going to be about and there is something really fantastic about that.
The only flaw is just be careful about breaking the flow of it, it's al right if you do when there is a break in the tempo and mood of the poem but in this one it doesn't really work.
Just mess around with it a bit and see what works and what doesn't.
Again great job
Nargles xxx
The first 2 stanzas I really liked, it seemed like you were talking about something that had actually happened to me when I was a little younger, a drastic change of view due to some thoughts, and thats because i was able to put my own perspective into it, which is good. I really liked the line "But sometimes faith is for the naive." In the first stanza, "That's all it took for my life to be stolen away" I would suggest removing "away" so that the 6th line, when reading "Much to young to be broken" even though i guess they don't rhyme technically, broken and stolen seem to and removing away would just make it flow better. Later in the poem, from the 3rd stanza, even though I still liked it and it was still written quite well, it seemed like you were talking about something else. So maybe it's because I had read the first part with different perspective, or something is needed to differentiate the 2 things, even just saying "And" will sometimes work, but it's up to you.