I wish that you knew how much I missed you,
How I wish I could turn back time to when we were in the raquet ball room,
I wish that you hadn't left, and that you were with me,
I wish that I'd opened up to you about everything.
How I feel about you, now and then,
How I thought you were so beautiful, how patient,and how you tried,
I wish that I could tell you, and give you a humungo hug.
And that I was strong enough to say this, face to face
My heart is torn, and my pride is broken, I'm not brave, will I ever be?
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi!
keep writing and you'll be great! (you have the feelings waiting to come out!!!)
You wanted to convey your feelings and well, you did because I actually felt a bit sad.
That's a good thing but...maybe the way you wrote was a bit monotonous. Finally you should work on the way you connect the verses.
I hope I was of some help
ps: Try and send her a text saying just: I miss you
Hey SilentOllie,
This poem was pretty good, as far as the idea goes. The speaker's tone is communicated well, and the mood is also, somewhat. However, there are some things that can be improved upon. Mostly, this reads a lot like prose, and a poetic flow is a bit difficult to find. Also, the word "humungo" isn't a real word, and feels completely out of place in a more serious poem. Just some stuff to think about. :]
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions! Keep writing.
~Sporks