Young Writers Society

Hello. Here as requested.

I like the principle of this, but I feel like the poem has too big a hole around what "a disguise" is. With my point of reference, I thought this was going to touch on trans issues (disguise of your assigned gender at birth), but it seems to be a cultural thing? That isn't really explained, at all, so I'm left grasping at what this poem is supposed to be getting at.

There are some genuinely beautiful moments, like the wallpaper metaphor, but for me the lack of understanding of the basic concept robs those moments of their poignancy. I did enjoy how you put different languages in here as a representation of all the identities worn and woven into the narrator.

The format is a bit hit and miss for me. I can't quite make up my mind if I feel this is a good flow for the poem itself, or if the lines are too short, ideas too choppy, and capitalization too Poetic (as in, the stuff taught in schools because "that's what poetry is", instead of put in there purposely) for me to really get into it. I'd take a look at punctuation and capitalization in poetry and try to mess around with that. Make sure everything's purposeful, because right now it feels a little formulaic.

But really, the crux of my review is how I don't know what this disguise is. I feel like if I had a different frame of reference I could grasp this poem and really resonate with it, but I tend to be of the opinion that poetry should have enough information built within it to be understandable by those who don't have the exact frame of reference of the narrator. Plus, the specifics of what the disguise is would lend richness to the rest of the poem, because instead of talking about a vague thing that's part of the narrator since birth, there could be discussion on specific aspects.

All that said, maybe this poem just isn't for me. Some pieces are not meant to be universally consumed. I'd still consider messing around with capitalization, punctuation, and line/stanza length, though. Just to flex muscles and see how the poem changes when those elements change.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

First of all, hi! I don't think I've seen you around before, so it's nice to meet you.

Second of all, this title and your explanation beneath the work really intrigued me. I am currently living as an expat, and although my struggles are not part of my family situation, I expect a familiar theme of isolation and a new way to view my situation while learning more about yours. So let's dive in!

Here's my favorite moment:

I, my brother and my sister are rolled

Into one long wallpaper,

To be glanced at then ignored.

While my mind sat and prayed,

That my disguise tells them another story

Palely illuminating hope

Hey there, @Silberfee! I'm here to review you poetry as requested. ^^

First off, I'm sorry for taking so long to get around to reviewing this. Real Life caught up with me and dragged me into a cave for a few days, but I'm here now. Let's get started, shall we?

I'd really like to say the idea of inserting lines in different languages is pretty cool! I particularly like the line/s in French about chasing bones. That's a really good line. Don't change it. It's awesome. ^^

My legs carried me and scrammed

I would travel to:

The land of my ancestor

Context: I look Chinese (my disguise) but I don't speak Chinese so when I go to the city old Chinese ladies would shout after me in Chinese but I don't respond because I can't speak to them (its embarrassing and I feel guilty hence why I run away).

My parents are from a french speaking colony, I imagine if I could speak French, my parents mothertongue I would feel comfort from not being able to speak Chinese but I don't, I did study French at school but I am not fluent (I would hunt for the bones of words/in the graveyard of my brain ) so me and my siblings would always be left out during family gatherings.