Behold, my first short story from after NaNoWriMo!!! I'm a bit rusty, so please do not rip this to tiny little pieces. Medium pieces are good. So are large pieces. Small pieces are OKAY, if your nice about it.
I bowed my head over my book, trying to shut out the roar of the rain pounding down on my roof. I tried to shut out the deep, gray blueness of the world outside my window, wet and magical, calling to me to join it.
A warm breeze found its way through a gap in the wall and tickled my fingers where they hung over my calculus paper, pencil in hand, poised to keep writing. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it and condemn myself to hours spent sitting here, laboring over homework while the rain sang to me through the walls.
Ten minutes later, I gave in.
Barefoot and coatless I eased open the back door and slipped out. Warm raindrops cascaded down from the sky, twisting and turning in the wind like dancers. They settled into my hair and soaked into my clothes, gathering like liquid diamonds on my eyelashes. They felt smooth and silky as they ran down my skin in a thousand tiny streams.
I tilted my head back and turned my face to the sky, laughing into the rain.
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
I love how you described the whole simplicity of the scene... You really pictured it quite vividly...
An extremely descriptive piece and the punctuation and notation of the words and sentences were executed perfectly. I hope that you will write more stories in the future so that you can have a great book be published. "Rain" Sounds fantastic. I would give you a 60 point performance and the overall book was great. Keep up the good work.
I love this. It's short and sweet, descriptive but not boring, and now I wish it was raining so I could go outside. No offense to Alzora, but I disagree with everything she said, except that it's good. I have nothing bad to say about it.
Keep writing!
~Kittengirl
*Feels the need to rip into shreds* I shall now point out everything that bothers me (even the tiniest bit) in this piece.
You used tried twice in a 2-sentence paragraph. Naughty, naughty."Deep, gray blueness" sounds a bit awkward to me. Too much description, maybe? Also, "deep, gray blueness" then, "wet and magical" seem to fight each other. I don't know why. gray blueness sounds sad and magical sounds happy, maybe?
My is used twice!!! Bad girl Sar-Sar.
Uh... I don't think raindrops twist, or turn.
This part seems a bit random.
I think that it was pretty good, but definitely too short. Not much description of the MC or their family, which made it a bit dull.
Keep writing!
Alzora
Hello there
I really liked this a lot.I really liked the simplicity of your piece. You had some great vivid descriptions in there. The story was not rusty at all.
The weird thing is that it's raining right now where I am and I feel like doing the exact same thing. However, if I do that then who is going to do all these reviews!
Good job
Not bad. not bad at all.
It has a whole lot of description. I like it.