If I were to finally let go of life,
-
And all the books were to be opened
Recording every word you let slip through your lips
Would you feel the reality of my cries that you so easily eclipsed
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If the shadows disappeared
Displaying every time you covered your eyes
Would you feel the weight of all my hurt that you minimized
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If history played before you as though a movie
Painting every lie about me that to yourself you fed
Would you realize how you were covered in my blood but still denied that I bled
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If time stopped at just one moment
When you insisted everything was fine
Would you finally see all the signs
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The signs that i needed you
I...NEEDED...YOU
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NOT to pass it off as a phase
As if I´m some boring story and you don´t think you can take another page
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NOT to tell me to get over it
As if I was crying over a broken toy like a little kid
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But to open your eyes and see, really see, just once
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140,764 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
This poem is amazing. As someone that has experienced severe depression, I can honestly say that this might be the best poem i've ever seen written to address depression. You are able to express your ideas through actual rhyme, so you've already got my respect for that alone. I am generally a real hard-ass, but with THIS poem you made me appreciate YOUR existence. Truly beautiful. Keep up the amazing work, please! What you have written here is powerful.
This poem is amazing. As someone that has experienced severe depression, I can honestly say that this might be the best poem i've ever seen written to address depression. You are able to express your ideas through actual rhyme, so you've already got my respect for that alone. I am generally a real hard-ass, but with THIS poem you made me appreciate YOUR existence. Truly beautiful. Keep up the amazing work, please! What you have written here is powerful.
Thank you so very much for your heartfelt review! I am honored that my poem may have touched in some way. I also would like to say how much I respect you for having (or are still) to walk through the deep trenches of depression and still have the strength to get up every morning and face the day.
Hello, fellow writer! Nice poem here. I like the way you worked in the rhyme. It is a thought-provoking work, and it definitely has the capacity to stir emotions. The places where you have placed extra spaces leave a nice, emphatic pause, and it kind of helps the reader not to rush through the poem, but causes room for contemplation.
I only noticed one thing that seemed especially clunky sounding, and that was this line:
"As if I´m some boring story and you don´t think you can take another page"
It's a little longer than most the others. Perhaps it would sound better just to say, "As if I'm some boring story and you can't take another page."
Overall, this is a lovely poem. Keep writing!
Hello, WinnyWriter!
Thank you so much for your helpful and kind review! I do see what you are saying about that line sounding clunky. It does seem to mess with the flow of the poem. Thank you again for the constructive criticism, the feedback helps a lot!
-Siena
Hello there!
this is such a lovely and heartfelt poem!
I really love the flow of the poem, it flows very smoothly.
I also love the imagery in your poem. It is a visual treat!
"If history played before you as though a movie
Painting every lie about me that to yourself you fed
Would you realize how you were covered in my blood but still denied that I bled"
These lines are so beautiful. Writing about history as a movie reminds me of old film reels and black and white films.
The last line is like a punch to my emotions, it speaks of hurt and betrayal.
"As if I´m some boring story and you don´t think you can take another page"
This is such a sad line.
Overall, i really loved the poem and i'm glad i stumbled upon it.
Hope to read more from you soon.
Much love,
Zaibae
Hello!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my poem. I love writing but am always a little nervous to see what others think so thank you very much for the encouraging words!
Love,
Siena