For hours goes on our discourse in the shade of a neem,
Until the temple bells summon us to change the course towards the dusty road.
I and my pal get ready to the task at hand,
which is enduring the sepeth hours at the butchers den.
The butcher's knife the great opus of Physics, which is sharp as a tack.
Outside his den reads "Allen Coaching centre" where any egresser is gored to death.
The wizard has cast a spell on the clock which seem to move an inch every hour.
I and my pal watch in covetouness as the scholars murmur something,
Which seems to satisfy the Satan's thirst.
I and my pal sit about cursing the heaven on his lopsided gift of brains.
But when the clock strikes five the gloom fades giving way to ecstsasy,
As we have survived one more day in the buthers' den.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
First off I think the review below is fairly ********. The breadth of your vocabulary is quite astounding, and you shouldn't have to hide that just because the person below me doesn't want to do a few google searches to keep up with your level.
Secondly I think your poem would benefit if you opened up a word processor and played around with form, putting the words in different places on the page to give certain words more emphasis. Poetry is just as visual as it is word choice, and you can do a lot more here than plain sentences. The editor on this website is fairly sucky, so I usually recommend just taking a picture of the document and just uploading that as the file.
You misspelled ecstasy. Don't know if you meant "butchers'" or "buthers'" is something I've never heard.
That about covers it.
Legacy here for a review.
You have used a ton of strong vocabulary that I had a hard time understanding (even with a dictionary). I wasn't even able to finish the poem because the vocabulary distracted me. I would recommend using more common words if you want people to understand what you are trying to say.
I believe neem is a kind of tree, and if it is, then you have a grammar mistake in your first sentence. The way I understand it is "in the shade of tree" when it should be "in the shade of a tree".
I don't understand why physics is as sharp as a tack, because tacks aren't very sharp and physics is science. I also don't understand why you don't give your pal a name if you mention them more than once in the poem. It is very distracting.
You also misspelled ecstasy in your second to last line (it took a dictionary for me to catch that).
I wish I could review on content, but with some revision, people will be able to understand what you are trying to say. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Keep writing and Legacy out.
Thank you very much..
You're welcome.