Published September 7, 2011
Hearts unfold
And reality beholds
The dreams that slither in-between
Grasp for air
Breathe
I dare
But one cannot
Speak the unspoken
Lay me down
Slice me open
Hearts are silenced
But never awoken
Cover my heart
Shed a tear
Hurry
The end is near
Close my eyes
Shed a tear
Heal the wounds
That will never heal
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138,574 Literary Works • 672,170 Reviews
Well hello shybluishflower (by the way, I love your username).
This is a very nice little poem. I especially love your second stanza, the first two lines. Very lovely.
First of all, I'm a bit confused by your rhyme scheme--It seems inconsistent. Your first stanza sort of rhymes--part of it. Your second one does rhyme, and the third doesn't even attempt. I would suggest you decide on rhyming or not, and stick with it (personally, I prefer poems that don't rhyme but that's your decision).
The one line that I don't love is your last:
Somehow it seems awkward and repetitive to use the word heal twice in a row in this way. Could you find some other way to say this? I'm not sure how, but this just seems incomplete compared to the rest or your poem.
Nice job overall, thanks for the read!
Sare