Midnight stars watch over me
as the shadows scratch at my doors.
Do not let the shadows fool you,
for they are not what they seem.
The shadows are merely a disguise,
so that the dark angels can attack you with a surprise.
Banished from heaven and forbidden from hell,
they hold powers that one cannot tell.
Faces of beauty but souls made of ice,
they have eyes that take your life.
They come from neither here nor there,
but from a world far away from here.
This world exists on another plane,
where none that live there are ever truly sane.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
yoru poem was good so keep writing!
Hiya,
I forgot to let you know I came back and reviewed your piece fully
HAYLEY
xx
Hiya,
So, first off, I really liked this poem..Even thought there could have been a little more emotive language in it, it was a very good for review.
These 2 lines were annoying me a little bit. The last line needs to be worded differently, maybe something along the lines of -
Or replace the word "life" with "light" ? The first is nice, it flows well and has good imagery.
Here, you've used words there are too acoustically similar. Try replacing on of those words and it shouldn't sounds so forced.
I think these 2 lines sound really good. Read them out loud and compare them to the lines before them, see how the flow in the rhyming is much for fluid. I really like the idea of them being stuck in limbo somewhere, you could alway extend on that a little bit.
Sorry I didn't review these lines at the beginning! So, the rhyming in these lines doesnt fit with the rest of the poem. Try swapping a few words here and there. Also, watch your repetitive language. The use of the word "shadow" sort of stall the flow. Althought the actual stanza but in a poem with a different rhyming structure would sound very good.
I hope I have helped you, and keep writing the piece!
HAYLEY
xx
Hey, I really loved your piece. I think your grammar is very neat, just my question is why do you change the peom's format? It the beginning it doesnt match like the rest of it. Maybe thats a way you write a poem, but really other then that and a spelling error. Your peom was fantastic, I loved the way it was written and the message that it gave. Im not a poet myself but I hope my advice is able to make you a better poet!
~~ Robbin
Hiya,
This poem had a really great concept. You told it in a very clear tone, and the style was so simple which made it easy to read and the message apparent and powerful. Last line could have been a bit more powerful to send a clearer message to the reader.
Overall it was great. You really made the message clear, but without losing focus on the emotive side of the poem, which can be hard to do at times.
I
t was great, keep writing, I want to read more of your work!
HAYLEY
xx
Midnight stars watch over me
as the shadows scratch at my doors.
Do not let the shadows fool you,
for they are not what they seem.
#0000BF ">The first two lines are great. Shadows scratching at doors, GOOD sensory detail. The last two lines, however, completely lose the momentum. I'd change them completely. But that's just me.
The shadows are merely a disguise,
so that the dark angels can attack you with a surprise.
Banished from heaven and forbidden from hell,
they hold powers that one cannot tell.
Faces of beauty but souls made of ice,
they have eyes that take your life.
#0000BF ">The rhymes seem really forced, especially the last one which is only like a half or slant rhyme or something. So since I'm a curmudgeon like that, it really distracts me from the content, which I find sort of over-dramatic.
They come from neither here nor there,
but from a world far away from here.
This world exists on another plane,
where none that live there are ever truly sane.
#0000BF ">weak ending. I want more sensory details like in the first stanza, (which was the best stanza) I like this idea of otherworldly creatures scratching on your door to lure you out or whatever, but why are they doing that? How do you react? I understand that there is metaphor at work here but the meaning is completely lost, at least to me. Needs work. Remember to read, read, read.
best,
I really really really like this poem because it was full of fine imagery!!!! I love these lines:
They are definitely the best lines of all of the poem.. Your poem actually made me see the images, which was really freaky but in a good way. Amazing job!!!!!
Hello!
I'm Jojo, and I shall be your reviewer for today!
Grammar is quite nice, I can't see nay obvious errors, so I'll just stick to content and structure on this review.
*I added a few spaces so that it doesn't look so jumbled up and stuff. it makes for a much more pleasant reading experience.
Overall:
I liked this.
it was a really nice idea and carried out well. Only a few minor tweaks, but other than that, it was really nice!
Keep writing!
---------------------------
-Jojo