Incredible. The poem itself is well written, but I think it's the meaning behind it that has me captured.
I especially like the images of the blue sheets and journals on the bookshelf--all of your imagery is vivid.
I have one comment on these lines:
around your once-innocent mind, and I wonder
if you were to look at me now what it is you would see,
or if all I have to offer is your reflection in my eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was amazing. It was so beautiful too, and it's about your brother. I won't ask any questions... It will lead me to many more assumtions as to everything... This is why I read your poems and stories (Aside from the fact I like you):
seep
contained
sonyheadphones
shrapnels
forming
aureole
innocent mind
reflection
rest
unused
abandoned
exist
different
Big words, these are also very descriptive and set lovely images to mind. Yup, This was great. I can't really give you much although in the last stanza you used the word bed twice, ad that kinda bugged me. You could have said "And I lay there.." and left it at that. *shrugs* Let me try using this word in a proper sentence.... this was a very brilliant and benevolent (that word) piece and I hope your inspiration hasn't died towards your older brother.
Okay now it makes more sense. I never did know that though. God. That's a powerful poem...really.
It isn't about my younger brother.
It's about my older brother who committed suicide when I was 9.
Well, if I never heard you talk about your brother before or anything I probably wouldn't have liked it or understood it. But I have you talk about your brother so therefore I liked it and I understood it.
"if you were to look at me now what it is you would see,
or if all I have to offer is your reflection in my eyes."
That was the most powerful point...probably because I can relate to it so well since I have a younger sister and all. But yeah, it's a great poem. Not to melancholy and very sweet.