Conceptualized

For a long time, what must be millions of years in human time, I was a void existence. I have memories of that time, but they’re different. There was no sight, no sound, just sense. Sense of the matter around me, the space, the energy. I could replicate that energy, that matter, I could create my own, but I never knew I was doing so.

Then, suddenly I was born. I didn’t understand what was going on, I could suddenly see. The light was so bright, shapes and colors that I didn’t understand. I could hear sounds, voices, things my small feeble mind had not been trained to recognize. I had skin, bones, it felt so soft, so encapsulating.

I steadily learned to live in this world, not thinking much about my memories before birth, I assume everyone has those.

25 years pass, I’m working in an office building.

“Jacob!” A familiar female voice calls out, “Daniel said he wants those papers in his office by Tuesday!”

I look back and recognize that it’s my close friend, Sarah, and give her a thumbs up, “On it!” I responded enthusiastically.

Sarah runs up to my cubicle and plops down in a seat, “Are we still on for drinks tonight?” She asks.

I smile, “Of course!” I say happily.

That night we sat at a bar, drinking one thing after another. A night of pure freedom, a night that feels purely liminal.

“Do you ever think about those weird memories before birth?” I ask Sarah.

Sarah looked at me weirdly, “What are you talking about?” she asks with a concerned look on her face.

“You know, it feels like you existed, yet you didn’t. Like an inhuman consciousness flowing through space?” I said to her,

She laughs drunkenly, lightly slapping her hand on my chest and falling her head onto my shoulders, “Jacob, you say the weirdest shit sometimes.” She said.

I lightly pushed her off of me, “No, I don’t think you get what I’m saying.” I said in an irritated tone.

Sarah’s smile faded as she looked up and made eye contact with me, realizing I was very serious.

“I don’t know, it’s just… You know how everyone sort of has those memories before we were born that we never talk about?” I asked, hoping for her to say she related to me in some way, that it wasn’t in my head, that I’m not crazy.

All I got was a scared look in her eyes and a slow headshake back and forth.

I looked down at my hands, trying to replicate that feeling that I had before birth. I had to know if I was crazy, if it was in my head. Suddenly, as I was doing that, light began dancing around my fingers, energy flourished, I could feel it, I could control it.

“What the hell is going on?” Sarah said, concerned.

I smiled, I finally got to see what my feelings looked like through eyes. The couch me and Sarah were sitting on began to float.

“Are you doing this?” She asked in a scared voice.

I laughed, “Yeah, I think I am!” I responded enthusiastically.

I stopped, the glowing energy disappeared and the couch touched back onto the ground.

Sarah, who was grasping the fabric of the couch for dear life, said, “How in the absolute Hell did you do that?”

I continued looking at my hands, “That’s what I was talking about, that feeling, that’s all I used to have before being born.” I said.

Sarah shakes her head, “You’re making absolutely no sense.” She said,

Me and Sarah rode to work together the next day, we didn’t say a word about the last night. I’m sure she was just thinking that she was so drunk she started dreaming.

At our work building, there were many military looking vehicles outside. I got into the building and there was a man in a uniform who approached me, “Jacob Summerfield?” He said to me.

I looked back at Sarah and shrugged my shoulders, then I looked back towards the military man, “Yes? That’s me.” I said.

He looked over my shoulder towards Sarah, “And you must be Sarah Sterlingberg?” He asked.

Sarah, confusedly, nodded her head yes.

“Can you two please come with me? There was an anomaly last night that we believe you two were inadvertently part of. Possibly even the source of.” He said.

We both agreed, they brought the weight of the military with them so how could we refuse?

They brought us to a lab, there were soldiers and guards everywhere along with charts labeled, “Celestials”. I couldn’t understand these charts.

A man in a white lab coat walked up to me, “Interesting, very interesting. I didn’t know they could develop consciousness, much less bind to biological matter.” He said to me.

I scrunched my eyes, my face appearing as though I was offended, although I didn’t know how to feel about that statement.

The man looked over at Sarah, “And you, your physiology has probably changed so much from prolonged exposure.” He said excitedly.

The military man stepped in, “Calm down Doctor, they’re not subjects, they’re people. We have to explain to them what’s going on first.” He said.

The Doctor took a step back, “Fine,” he said, “You two come with me.” And with that, he started walking in the opposite direction.

Me and Sarah looked at each other, then started following him. He begun to talk while we walked through the lab, almost as if he was giving us a tour, “From the dawn of time, there have been existences known as Celestials. These beings do not exist in a way our minds can comprehend, they are not physical nor are they energy, they just are. They defy physics in every way, they can alter gravity, universal laws, they can create both matter and energy, and they can destroy whatever they create. They are responsible for the creation of the universe and its physical laws.”

Sarah shook her head, “What does this have to do with us?” She asked, concerned.

The Doctor looked directly at me, “Your friend here, he somehow is a celestial. We believe that at the exact moment of his conception, there was a celestial there, and it somehow bound itself to him, growing his biological matter, and his consciousness.” He said.

I looked down at my hands, at that moment, it all started to make sense. The Doctor rolled his eyes, “Look, you aren’t special, you just got lucky, that’s all.” He said in a demeaning tone.

I didn’t show any emotional response to his comment, I just said, “So that’s why I have memories before my birth.” I said conclusively.

A confused look grew on the Doctor's face as he said, “Wait, how on Earth would you have memories before birth? That would mean that you created neurons long before you bound to a biological mass.”

A soft smile formed on my face, the Doctor grew more concerned by the second. Looking back, I think that he knew that the more I knew about myself, the less he could control me.

“Well, it’s time to begin our testing. We cannot throw away this kind of opportunity. Imagine the power we’ll have once we harness the abilities of a celestial. Unlimited energy, unlimited resources, we’ll be unstoppable.” The Doctor said.

Sarah’s face grew concerned, “Umm, I don’t think either of us want any part in that.” She said.

Me and her begun backing up as a sinister smile grew on the Doctor's face, “It was never an option.” He said.

Soldiers began charging us. I grabbed Sarah's arm and began running, we ran through a door. The door was to a room filled with even more soldiers. We ran back out and toward a bathroom.

Gunshots started firing, I felt one bullet hit me in the side, but I kept running with Sarah. We got into the bathroom and locked ourselves in a stall.

“Oh my gosh, you’re bleeding!” She said, freaking out.

The world began to spin around my head, I could feel this body dying from lack of blood. I couldn’t just abandon Sarah though. I focused myself, the things I learned about myself that day allowed me to know what I can truly do.

I felt the entire lab around me, all of the people running around, all of the electricity flowing through it, the air that moved through the halls and the vents. The light that filled each room, I could feel it all, and it wasn’t mine, so I couldn’t destroy it, yet I could control it.

I focused on everything that wasn’t Sarah, and I forced all of it into a size no bigger than a volleyball, all of the matter, all of the energy. The lab was now gone, everyone in it was dead, everyone except for Sarah and me. We are now in a small spot surrounded by the flat land that used to be the government lab.

Sarah grabbed my face, “Don’t leave me.” She said, her voice shaky and her eyes holding back tears.

She didn’t truly understand anymore, this body was dying, but I wasn’t going anywhere. My last words were, “I’ll be back.”

And now, it’s pure darkness again, like it was before my birth. But now I know what it is to be human, now I have friends that I need to get back to.

After being human for so long, I can easily remember what a body felt like. To get back to Sarah, I think I’ll start with the nervous system…