Published May 7, 2012
The Cheese Tree
There are many wonderful trees, but this tree... This tree is different. Though it may look like an ordinary tree, an ordinary tree it is not.
Now, I don't know why this tree attracts the people it does, but somehow it manages. If you were to match this tree with any other, there would be no significant difference between them. The reason this tree is so special isn't the way it looks, it is the way it makes other people look.
Standing alone in a small park in a big city, this special tree has many uses. Joggers take shade, children frolic about, and most importantly people take pictures.
This tree is the most photogenic tree, possibly, in the world. At first glance it may not seem to be true, but once it is inside your frame, there is no mistake. No matter who stands between this tree and a camera, they will always have a smile on their face. So, whenever you are in the midst of this tree you will always say, “CHEESE”.
The Cheese Tree, by: ShortBus.
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141,616 Literary Works • 675,166 Reviews
Hi! Cricket here for a review!
Well for one, you'll need to work on the redundancy factor.
Well, so I read the last review, and saw that you said, that you had written this in 10 minutes. That's pretty darn good in my opinion for such a piece like this.
Since this isn't a very long work I'm going to put the entire piece in quotes and then highlight the word "tree".
Kay, I believe I got them all. One of the worst things you could possibly ever do is overuse one word, even if the work is about the specific object. Like for instance....
You could try to expand on the wording, and describe the tree more. When I read this, I didn't have a very clear picture of it all, and although, I can relate to coming to a special tree and taking shade (I go running a lot), I couldn't really see it in my head! Like you told us, that it was there, and you told us it's purpose, but I just couldn't figure out what kind of tree it was. Also what breed of tree was it? How tall would you say it is, relating to nearby objects? Does it have big leaves, or small ones? Obviously, we would get a clear picture of that one, if we knew the breed of it.
OK, so this is a spot where you could describe it more. Why exactly is it the most photogenic tree in the world? (my questions earlier should help you a little in what to put in there, I think) Placing a clear picture in our heads, is possibly the hardest but most gratifying things to do.
Well since this is VERY short, I guess I'll stop now!
For a writing exercise this is swell! Just work on your wording and the redundancy, and this will be perfection!
Spoiler
Keep Writing!
~Cricket
Okay, I really don't know how to make a review but I'll give it a try. (My first review)
So first, it's cute
I felt like I was holding a children's short story book and I was seeing illustrations of a park with a bunch of smiling people and a man selling balloons. It's as if you're talking to a kid and I suddenly felt young.
On the fourth paragraph, I saw a man who kept on smiling no matter what kind of trouble he's in. He had this power to change people's heart and it's as if he's telling me that I will get old if kept on pouting.
Just few technical errors, but I'm not sure if those were really errors so I'll leave it to the experts hehe.
Nevertheless, it's good! Keep it up
Hey, thanks Mori. I only had 10 minutes to write this and I didn't have time to correct any grammar mistakes. I basically got two random words, "cheese", and "tree" and made a story. It was pretty fun and hopefully there will be more in the chatroom. Thanks again, I'm glad you liked it. %u263A