Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

The title caught my attention and I wanted to know what the story had to tell about being caged. So here I am to give you a review.

This was an interesting story but I do have to confess the fact that I was utterly confused about the main character. Like what is the main character? Was it a human being or some other animal? Like maybe there are similarities between the feelings of being caged between a human being and the other animals but for the sake of imagination, I think it's kind of important to know who we are really talking about.

Anyway, from what I understand, it was a dog(for the word bark in the end), so I will review the whole thing from that perspective. I really don't understand one thing—how was the dog able to breathe? Like fron what I understood, the total box was covered with glass and if so, it really sounds quite impossible to breathe. Maybe there were a few spaces here and there... Nevertheless, it's at least going to be a bit problematic to breathe and I think it's worth mentioning.

I have to confess the fact that the dog was in a pathetic condition. Talking about the plot, I guess a dog was brought from somewhere and was put inside a cage and was being displayed for sale in a shop. Then a woman came and bought it. There are two other things which I want to mention:

What was the dog's previous condition? I mean where it was in the initial place. On the street or somewhere else? Next, the condition of the other dogs when it was being taken away. When the story talks about being caged and the miserable feeling due to that, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you add the feelings and the sad faces of the other dogs when this dog was being taken away.

Overall, it was a great story! I loved how you decided to portray the theme if being freed from being caged but the dog didn't realize that it wasn't completely free.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

You CAN start a sentence with the word "but", as long as it's a complete thought. Your second grade ELA teachers told you that because they didn't want to confuse you. So it's not incorrect.

I agree with PotterGeek101, I was confused on this, I went from dog to cat to human and back to dog again. Potter Geek got most of the corrections except, (1 Dont' start sentences with 'but'. I have said that so many times to so many people I'm almost getting sick of it...sorry. Got a little carried away there. Overall, nice start.

This got me confused and guessing what this thing could be for ages!
i went from hamster, to a girl, to a hamster again then i gave up. This is a brilliant piece of work as it draws the reader in and tries to keep them guessing. (secretly i didn't stop guessing, i was just stuck for ideas) But still a bit confused by it though, i'm guessing it's a dog right? But what dog eats apples! anyway enough of the good stuff time to get down to business:
1) i think you need to brake it down a bit, so it flows easily. so just paragraph it.
2) i think you need to proof read it as i found a few spelling mistakes.
3) there were some grammar mistakes, but since i feel a bit tired i will not bore you with them.
Besides those three i found it brilliant, absolutely mind blowing.
Love the descriptive words and how it sounds like such a horrible placed to be caged up.
Keep up the show but not tell, really puzzles me!
-PotterGeek-

Twist ending! I like it! However, I couldn't help but notice that this story has no paragraph breaks, which is distracting. I don't know if maybe that was an accident, (whenever I submit stuff to this site, my formatting has been ruined).

If you do have trouble deciding where paragraphs should end, here's a free sample:

As I slowly woke up, my memory was clouded and foggy. My tongue was dry and felt heavy and rough, while my head throbbed over and over. The world cartwheeled around me for a brief moment, until I blinked and my vision steadied. (New thought, new paragraph).

My eyes searched the surroundings as my sight cleared, and I was taken aback by where I was. A low, cold concrete ceiling with a fluorescent light fixed in it was above me, causing me to duck. The temperature of the stone floor was just as freezing; Every time I crawled forward it would shoot needles of iciness up my body. But it was even difficult to move forward or back, because of the limits of the space I was given. (Paragraph break. And so on and so on, until the end).

I perked up, before settling back into the most comfortable condition. <----- Position maybe? Condition seems like a confusing word to use.

Also, a general rule (that I didn't learn for a long time either):

The lady stated,

"We'll take her."

(New line and five spaces before the quote). This applies to introducing dialogue and every time you switch speakers, or have a few lines of story between when someone talks and the next time they talk. (Don't quote me on that one though.)

Since it's a dog, would there really be apples in the cage? I don't know if people feed apples to dogs, but I could be wrong.

This story is super cute! I'm glad I read it. Good luck with your writing ShootingStars!