||I saw an Onion on my counter today. And everything will be up to your interpretation... and I hope you enjoy.||
So there was this girl right? A small little girl. She had medium length brown hair. It was in a Japanese bob, of course. She had liked the style for all her life. Her name? Weirdly enough, her name was Onion. She wore a nice, comfortable light blue hoodie, along with some dark blue jeans to match her hoodie. She also had dainty little getas and a cute, pink headband. Her brown eyes and soft face had always given off the impression she was a damsel in distress. Especially with the way she typically looked at people.
Onion had just come home from school, per usual. Her apartment was incredibly small, it could hardly fit anything inside but a bed and clothing. The bathroom was tiny too, designed to make you feel uncomfortable.
It's almost like you're suffocating inside this apartment. So Onion, instead of attempting to do any of the school work she had, and instead of trying to find a job, she decided it was time to sleep, and not do anything for the rest of the day.
It didn't take long for Onion to wake up, though not in her stuffed, cramped apartment. It was instead, in the middle of an igloo. Her bed was inside an igloo. And when she looked out of the igloo? Snow for miles. Endless, endless snow. Weirdly enough, there was no sense of freezing. In fact, Onion didn't feel anything. Just her own body warmth and no feeling towards the never ending snowstorm.
Eventually she had to go somewhere right? She couldn't sit inside the igloo forever now, could she? But a sense of attachment to the igloo was strong. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay inside forever. And sheltered from the harsh weather. Surely there was something past this? At the very least, she could wait for the snowstorm to end, right?
But something, just… something told her that she’d already been waiting for years. She just had the feeling that even if she waited, the snowstorm would only get worse. The very least she could do was leave right? Run, run far, far away. Maybe find an exit? Or a path. But the second Onion tried to leave the igloo? She immediately felt cold. It was so frigid. And the snowstorm only got stronger and stronger the further she tried to walk. Her entire body, especially her legs, felt like glass. Sea glass. Dull, worn, and fragile. And that igloo previously? It is gone now. The last bit of warmth just… vanished.
There was quite literally nothing to do but walk forward, considering Onion was now both freezing and feeling lost. Well, she was lost. But regardless, she kept going on. And the further she went, the more fragile everything felt. No, not felt, it did become more fragile. Including herself.
God knows how long it’s been since she’s been walking. There’s no ability to tell time after all. But since everything was getting more fragile, Onion seemed to have an idea. She thought to herself “What if I was strong enough to try and break the ground? Everything is basically made of grass now right…?” So in a moment of geniusness, or foolishness, she stomped on the ground as hard as she physically could. Luckily for her, the ground did shatter. But not in the way she wanted. Because instead of only the select area she tried to break shattering, all of the area she could possibly see also shattered along with it. It didn’t help that her own leg felt like it would break at any slight pressure either.
Falling was inevitable, there was no ground to stand on after all! So free falling it was. Free falling with a bunch of glass cutting you while falling.
Just how long did Onion fall? At least for 10 minutes, or maybe it was 10 hours? But Onion had blurred everything out. And when she came back to her senses? The world around her was… even more bizarre than the previous snow world. This time… the floor was a checkered black and red pattern. With random numbers being scattered across the ground.
What was even more confusing was the fact that all around her, she could also see a large amount of… checker pieces. With legs and maybe feet? They wore boots. And had an eye in the dead center of it. Onion couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Was this even a dream anymore? Was it ever a dream?
Onion, despite all these, tried to converse with those… things with legs.
“H-Hello…? Are you.. Uh… can you speak?”
The creature does not answer. It just stares. Silently. Judging. Onion was already creeped out, but man, these things just make everything worse.
She turned around to just leave, but noticed that every single creature was staring at her too. And her legs began to feel like jelly. And how had she just noticed now that there were eyes in the sky too. Or was there? It was difficult to see… wait there was a sky this whole time? She was sure that it was simply pitch black before. Was her memory simply playing tricks?
Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you view it, Onion had bolted out of sheer panic. To where? She doesn’t know. She ran and ran until she had crashed into a wall. Her own pathetic body felt like shattering on impact, though it didn’t. Not quite yet. Even glass has some resistance, you know.
And when she opened her eyes? It was simply a wall of just… snow. And behind her were what seemed to be thousands, if not millions of those checker pieces with legs and an eye. Just staring at her. And the only way forward was to run once again and pray that I could escape- but… what good would that do? You’ve run twice already. And look where it got you Onion.
How unfortunate for the rotting individual. She just had to slowly, one step at a time, walk through the crowd as calmly as humanly possible. If you could even call her calm. She was shaking like a leaf, barely able to stand. Her eyes were all watery, almost about to overflow. Onion would question if this is even worth it, but what felt like god knows how long, she finally, finally reached an end.
Or at least what she hoped to be an end to this hell of a place. The only plan she could even think of was simply… jumping off the edge of the board. Wait… since when was there an edge? Onion was too scared to think of anything else anyway. Every single being was staring at her, and when she did jump? No one made a sound.
Falling and falling once more.
She was lucky this time though, she immediately woke up in a cold sweat in her bed. It was already the next day at 5 am sharp.
Onion just decided to ignore the bizarre dream, instead going onto her computer, in that same cramped, tiny apartment. The same apartment she could barely afford. The same apartment that felt like it was mocking her every month she stayed.
But at the very least this time, she would try to find a job. Even if it didn’t pay too well, as long as she could sustain herself for maybe just a little longer… That would be nice.
||Written by your's truly, Shoko.||
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I like this story and the vibes it gives off. It definitely gives off eerie vibes with the fact eyes are watching her and things with legs are there creeping her out as well. I feel like this dream is a reflection of her subconscious and her mental state. Perhaps her consequences of running away is because she has the habit of running from her problems but they always catch up to her. Maybe her dream about the eyes is something her mind pulled from how she feels about the apartment and how it's mocking her or maybe it's about the pressure of the outside world and how people stare without saying anything.
If i totally went off track i apologize, i'm not super great at analysis and this is my first review.
Overall great story, it was a nice read and I hope to read more of your stories!
: )
thank you for reviewing!
this is definitely a unique concept. the story itself feels very heavily like a dream nearly all the way through, but i really like that you made it open to interpretation because there's a LOT to read into if you're looking for it.
before i jump into that, however, i'd like to just point out a few craft notes:
onion thinks to herself that 'everything is basically made of grass now', i'm assuming that's mean to be 'glass'
maybe a bit nitpicky but you say she tries to converse with 'those things' and then 'the creature' doesn't answer. you could change one of these so either 'the creatures' don't answer or she tries to converse with 'one of those things' to keep it consistent.
now for the fun part! i try to avoid over-analyzing heavy themes into pieces that don't warrant them, but since you said everything is up for interpretation i had a really fun time trying to pick out metaphors and draw out hidden meanings, even if you might not have intended them.
my two recurring thoughts while reading this were "Is this a dream?" and "Is this a metaphor for depression?"
the first part, where onion wakes up in an igloo, felt pretty familiar. inside your little shelter it's warm and safe while the outside world is a raging snowstorm. even though you know you can't stay forever, why would you ever want to leave? it feels like it mirrors the feeling of just wanting to isolate yourself and disappear from the world. even though you know you should seek out help and that you need to get better, why would you ever want to leave your bed to face the storm outside?
the whole ground breaking when she tries to break a little part of it can also be compared to seeking out help for the first time. you start small by maybe reaching out to one person, and then that pivots to a lot of people from various areas of life trying to help you and offer support, and the fall representing the feeling of suddenly being thrust into the spotlight.
when she falls through the ground she lands on a chess/checker-board with a bunch of pawns. it could be a metaphor for life, as chess consists of making moves and predicting your opponents moves. every part of it is to constantly move forward, you can't stop and every decision could either mean you win or lose a piece. at the same time the check-creature-things could represent feeling different, outcast or alone even while surrounded by people.
and, at the very end, onion jumps off the edge of the world to 'leave'. i don't think this necessarily needs to be a direct reference to taking your own life, as she wakes up afterward. rather it felt like the moment your life changes forever: when you either start your journey to get better or end it.
overarchingly this feels like it could be that the dream-part is a metaphor for depression or other mental health struggles, more specifically the process of getting better and getting out. onion woke up to real life. and yeah, even though you've been depressed for a while, real life is still real life. it won't suddenly become an easy, magical experience, but at least you're alive.
anyway, that was just my interpretation. sorry if this is too long lol
ahhhh my typo on glass im sorry about that
Thanks for feedback