I really like this. Nothing else to say, I guess. Just good work..
-*Shimmer
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Self-piteous and cliche ridden? Perhaps. But who isn't? And I believe the way that Brad writes such overrun themes transforms it into something a bit more. Actually, on a truly outside perspective view, all of his poetry (and many of the critics, I am sure) is much like this.
Wow. I've never defended somebody before.
Moving on -
although grammatically correct, this was awkward. just..rephrase it or something. please.
This was written technically well, but not terribly originally. I did see a fine number of cliches in it, though they didn't make me hate the poem. I would have to agree with the above poster that it does come across as quite self-piteous. Overall, I would just attempt to clean out some of the overdone "I love you" stuff.
Brian
Uh, Brad, come on. That was self-piteous.
I found it teeming with cliches and well, self-piteous. Maybe you were trying to grovel for sympathy in this poem, because the image I got was of you begging of your knees as I read this. While some parts were good (I find it ironic I look my best when I feel my worst) the last stanza I would totally change. The "I need you, I love you" bit ... just no. Express it in a different way.