DR.HENRY FICSHER
SENIOR ADMINISTRATOR
Serena spoke quickly but patiently to the gaurds.
“I need to see Dr. Fischer. Now.”Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, judging solely off that tone, it is a little difficult to see if this great news is actually some kind of wonderful new discovery that could mean something good, or if it is some kind of fatal flaw in a system that will result in lots of bad things happening. Either way though, this is a really solid start to this prologue here. Definitely catches your attention nicely.
Okay, a nice little touch of backstory there to really establish that there is a positive relationship here between the protagonist here and this scientist lady...that is a good thing to introduce and that makes the whole declaration of having to keep something quiet for the first time mean that much more cause you get the sense this is something quite urgent and important to things here. At any rate, this has been a very intriguing so far here.
Well, you can certainly see how much having to make this decision to betray her mentor's trust is affecting her there...but it looks like something that has to be very important here considering she doesn't seem to have too much hesitation in going through with what she's about to go ahead and do here.
Well, that was quite a dramatic line to end on there...looks like this person is about to talk to someone quite high up in this organization and some things are definitely about to go down here...well, lovely ending there at any rate. Overall, a pretty solid prologue this one, it seems like something I would in fact read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I was immediately engaged into your prologue. I cannot wait to read what else you have in store for us! I love the mystery in this prologue, you keep us dying to know what the big secret is and why it's such a worry. I also appreciate you giving brief introduction to the character, going into to some useful-to-know details about the character before you dig into the other important stuff. There is only one criticism I have.....I think you said "he" instead of "she" somewhere, haha.
hey! shiksha!
great prologue, it includes every thing, which a 'stable' prologue needs, you are fab in writing this prologue, it woke up my head in thinking that what's next! who is serena? , who is Dr. Katherine, who is Dr. fischer?
lot of questions in my mind. i want my answers quickly. i hope you started writing your next draft. i am eager to read your next stuff!
keep it up! grt job! yehaaaaaaah!
Thanks...
Hello. I'm going to try to review this chapter even though I usually only review poems. Anyway, the title lured me into your piece. I was interested in what I'd read based on the title. The beginning was very good and I liked your use of the word profusely. I liked how you used fairly descriptive words here. The only thing I have to say is try not to write sentences that are too short. Lastly, you spelled "Fischer" two ways. I would recommend that you re-read this and take care of those errors.
thank you!!
Hi there. Rebel to review.
This is a neat start to your novel. Since I'm a nerd when it comes to astronomy, I was drawn into the book when I saw the word. I felt like the prologue could've been a little longer and had more details. For example, you might've elaborated on why Serena (I love her name, by the way) had been orphaned by this Dr. Katherine character.
Now onto grammatical errors. There were three mistakes I noticed.
1. The second sentence of the second paragraph, you should put a comma between scientist and Dr. Whenever you're introducing a character, you're going to want to add in a comma.
2. The second to last sentence in the same paragraph starts with "He". I think you meant to put "She".
3. You spelled Dr. Henry's name two different ways. Is it Fischer or Ficsher?
I enjoyed the beginning to this book, and I am curious to see what you'll do with it!
Thank you.....!!
I think this is a wonderful starter piece to your book. I would like to see more details like why Serena was orphaned(parents die or abandon her), why Dr. Katherine adopted her(couldn't bear child or something like that) and what she is hiding. You made it clear that it was urgent but never really explained what her role was at NASA or what she could possibly be hiding. You also just through in Dr. Fischer with no explanation of who he meant to Serena besides that he is a Senior Administrator to NASA. Also, why does he need guards? I just think that there are many holes in the story so far and that they could be patched up. Other than the minor flaws i have stated, you really capture Serena's life style and somewhat of the person she is. I understand that this is the prologue but you could expand on it. I think you will really run away with this piece and truly hope you do.
thank you....!!