Published July 4, 2013
I didn't know him quite well then. He seemed pretty quiet and shy. He wasn't really interested in talking to me and neither was I. I had hated guys since first grade. Why? Well, because they hated me. Now if you ask why to that I have no answer. Maybe it was my TOO open nature or the slight 'hyperactive-ness' that made guys hate me. Everytime I tried talking to them, they weren't very welcoming and this used to make me very angry. I had liked a guy in tenth grade who I thought was very nice. But he too like other guys was rude and insulting. So I finally had lost hope with guys and had promised myself not to be EVEN friends with them.
But He changed everything. He wasn't really hot or good looking. A long face, lean and healthy body; He wore spectacles. I met Him through a friend of mine. We three and others use to come back from school together. He rarely used to talk. Even I didn't really notice Him until the day I realised something. He was one of the most polite persons I had come across. I had anticipated a numerous times that He would be rude especially towards me but nothing of that sort happened. He was the first guy who treated me like a normal human being! I remember whenever we used to part our ways to our respective homes, He used to make a point to bid farewell to everyone, including me, even though I wasn't exactly His friend.
As time passed we became close friends. We used to be common guests at parties, had several more common friends. Our friendship grew stronger. But no sooner did that happen, I realised I had started liking Him. Liking Him a lot. He had something in Him which made him different from every other mean guy. I accepted this crush whole-heartedly and decided to move on without thinking much about it. But it wasn't easy. We became closer and closer as time passed and I loved Him more with each passing day. He never liked me the way I did. I was just a great friend to Him. Sometimes I felt I expected Him to like me, sometime i didn't. I was very confused at that point of time.
And then that day came. I finally told Him about my huge crush on Him. It wasn't a proposal, just what I felt for Him. I was nervous, tensed as to how would He react. I thought it was the last day of our friendship, the friendshio which I had always cherished. As I waited to see His reaction, I saw a warm and the most comforting smile on His face. He said,
"It's okay if you like me. You can't help it. I obviously don't like you that way but trust me, nothing has changed between us and we are still great friends....So just cheer up!"
After that day we have never talked about my crush on Him. Every single day after that day He has been the same person He had been before that day. He hadn't changed.
We have been best friends for over an year now and I still love him. We tell each other everything and anything without hesitation. I don't know if He still thinks that I like Him or not but He's one friend whom I'll never ever forget.
As I said, He changed everything!
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
I had a hard time getting past the first paragraph. I found it very distracting. You write a little too informally at parts. For example, using the word "guy" repetitively doesn't sound very proper. But that is just my opinion I suppose. I am also not sure why you have capitalized "Him" and "He." That part confused me a lot.
Overall, I see where you are going but it needs more work. Read it over a couple of times, slowly.
Thank you!!
Hey! This was an interesting piece.
I had a few issues with the first paragraph though. "TOO open nature" could have been replaced by something else in my opinion. But maybe I'm being overly critical here.
I thought the way you wrote "Him", "He" etc was a bit disconcerting, but also accurate. This is precisely how girls (and most guys for that matter) feel about their crushes. That was a quick and subtle way to portray how she thought the world revolved around him without saying it straight-out. Its a subtle and interesting plot device. Great!
I liked how both the main character, and her crush moved on after her confession. So many guys end friendships because of an admission of feelings, which is ridiculous and juvenile.
And the main character is really sensible about it too. The ending was nice.
Anyway, I enjoyed this piece...Good luck!
Thank you!!!
Hi, I'm Dianne.
Let me start off with this statement: I could not get past the first paragraph without starting this review, so I actually still don't entirely know what this story is about. However, this is only because there were a lot of small mistakes that distracted me. First off, when you speak about grade levels, it's best to specify whose grade level. By saying "tenth grade" I assume you're saying the tenth grade, as in, the whole entity. It doesn't say anything about the main character's grade or a grade they experienced, but the tenth grade, with "grade" being the class year. Do you understand? I could explain better if you want me to, but for now I'll move on.
When you emphasize a word or particular phrase, you change the format in which you emphasize it. It's better to stick to one format, so that the writing is your unique writing style. For instance, you say, "..Now if you ask why to that..." and then later on you emphasize "...Maybe it was my TOO open nature..." and both formats work, but you should remain consistent on one format.
A few of your phrases are a bit redundant, but that's easily fixed once you read it over again. My advice is that once you're finished writing something, read it one through in your head. After that, read it again, but out loud. You'll notice mistakes you hadn't seen before and it'll improve your writing.
As for your main character, she seems genuine. You give enough information to establish her reasons for staying away from boys and her feelings towards interacting with them. I also liked that the boy she eventually comes around to is noticeably different than the other guys she has come across. I don't know how I feel about your capitalization whenever he's mentioned, although I feel as though it does get a point across about how the main character regards him. It says, "This boy is special."
The dialogue between the two needs some work, though. I don't think it's the actual words the characters say, but the build up to the dialogue and the actions between the two when they are speaking. I feel like that moment needs to be longer and drawn out to show how pivotal that talk was and how important it was to the main character after spending so much time with him.
Something I really liked, though, was her attitude once the talk was over. I don't know how many times I've read or seen girls absolutely destroyed when their crush doesn't reciprocate their feelings, but the fact that this girl accepted the way this boy felt about her and continued to be his friend despite that shows just how strong that girl is.
Overall, it's a good piece, just needs a little work. If you have any questions about what I've said or anything at all, please feel free to message me.