Emails over letters, iPod over Walkman. Certainly such devices appear to fascinate and amaze us beyond any extent. And why won’t they? Besides making our life a lot easier they bring in our lives a great deal of amusement for which each of us crave. Now why will one want to accumulate junk of papers at his/her place, when he/she has a better option of receiving emails for any purpose! Digitisation is convenient, in fact extremely convenient. But is it necessary? Of course it is.
Staying ahead is the primary objective of a human being which in today’s generationcan be only achieved by digitisation. Hope you have noticed ‘today’s generation’ in bold. Yes. Digitisation lies mostly in today’s generation only. Why, even my mom repels technology. Her new birthday gift which was an iPhone couldn’t get along with her! I myself have left writing short stories and my other creations in a notebook and most of the time I am dwindling with my laptop. This is the case with most teenagers and youngsters. Digitisation not only involves laptops and internet. It is anything related to digital entertainment or use, which includes television, iPod, PSP, PS2 and what not. I remember myself being glued to all of these sometime ago when it took a long and painful process to get rid of this habit. At times my mom used to retort that so much involvement in these gadgets would turn me into a robot!
Well I definitely didn’t turn into a robot but came to know the true essence of digitisation. My way of seeing it changed completely and so would yours if you read on. Digitisation is something wonderful is what I think now.Digitisation is the only wonderful thing is what I used to and most of us think. We all get desperate to try out new gadgets. We never put an effort to find out ways to pass our time other than entertaining ourselves with these. Of course it has given a halt to the outdoor activities but along with that it has given a major halt to the youth’s way of thinking. There has been a major detoriation in the way how a youth thinks. Distraction from studies is what we hear now and then. Indulgence in wrong activities is yet another bad effect of this. But as a great person once said- see the positive attributes, not negative. Sure digitisation is supporting development immensely, but we can’t ignore the negative it brings with itself. Ignoring the negative is endangering the positive.
If we observe closely what we do while getting addicted to gadgets is that we actually let these machines control our brain. Don’t we? If you have seen Terminator-Rise of the machines , it’s a warning that it’s not long that we will be seeing the same condition right before our eyes. Don’t freak out! Every problem has a solution and even this one has. The solution is definitely not pushing out these gadgets from our life. That’s just not the solution. We need to be in pace with everyone and have an experience of every new thing that we come across. But intelligence lies in using these things with caution so that they don’t influence us excessively. After all we are the rulers of our souls and no one can control them!!
Digitisation is a good servant,
But a bad master!
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this peice of work is good! ur way of thinkin towards techno stuff is awesome! in this essay u added everything including ur personal life! in my opinion digitization has a dual philosophy, it is reducing the human effort! now we can order food from home! now we can play more games now we can see lot of movies.............in upcoming time i think so everyone will become cyborgs! no coming back to ur stuff, i like ur non-fictitious writing style! u hv lot of potential!
overall it's a good stuff! albeit there were some minor grammatical mistakes but i hope u will figure 'em out on ur own via revising ur work!
keep it up! lass!
-grt love from rishabh!
Thanks.....
Hi there Shiksha,
Good job and looking forwards to more!
I'm here to review your essay. I always find it different reviewing essays on YWS because they are different from our expected essays at school! But I will try and review this on how it would be expected if this were an actual essay that needed to be handed into class. For it to be given a high grade there were some things that need improving which (I'll go into more detail later) are: layout, language and formality.
First off, let's talk about what was good here. You're writing about a very interesting topic, one that lots of people are interested in. This way you can attract many readers. I like how you handle the ideas you have, because they are intriguing and flow nicely into one another. You use examples well too.
As for the layout. An essay has a standard format: the introduction, then the middle paragraphs which depends on what you are writing about, and then concludes with the conclusion. The introduction was there and it was good. The middle paragraphs were a bit confusing, because you switch ideas within them, without starting a new one. To separate your ideas, I suggest this layout for your essay: The introduction, paragraph explaining the benefits of digitalization, 2nd paragraph explain the negatives, and the conclusion which states your opinion and justifying it. If the layout matches that, it's all good and really clear.
Sometimes there were a few hiccups in the language, or with punctuation. I'm not going to point them all out because I'm sure if you read this once over you will find them. And if you add in my suggestions about formality (coming in the next paragraph) you'll solve them easily.
Formality. In my opinion, an essay should be formal, not like you are talking to use. The latter was evident in your essay, especially with this: ". Hope you have noticed ‘today’s generation’ in bold. Yes. Digitalisation lies mostly in today’s generation only. Why, even my mom repels technology." The mistake in this shows that you are addressing the reader directly, which is informal. And you are making the essay personal by mention your Mum, which is also informal. A better way to put this would be to say: Digitalisation lies mostly in today's generation. (No need for bold. The reader should be picking up everything as they read). Many mothers and elders struggle with introductions to new technology because it is difficult or complicated to use, whereas teenagers often find it easier to adapt to. This makes it generally sound more formal. If you go through and formal-ise your whole essay, I'm sure it can only improve! ^^
The key facts and all information was included, which is nice. And I like how the title was more like an essay question, whether or not digitalization was a boon or not.
Deanie x
hey thanks a lot!!!!
It is hard to review an essay, since I am no English teacher. The essay was a good length and not too boring to read. You conveyed your ideas nicely. When writing an essay you are ultimately writing something to persuade the reader that this is this. Or in other terms a sort of argument. In your case this is very relevant. You got your side of the story across well but you could have put more about why you are saying this, why its right and why something that contradicts that is wrong.
I can't tell if your final paragraph is a conclusion or not because it seems much like a paragraph. Assuming this is the conclusion you seemed to go on a tangent and continue to talk about different points. You need to wrap up the previous points in a strong way that consolidates what you have said. If this is not the conclusion then you need to write one just to make the essay more complete.
One final thing is that you need to stay on track. I wasn't sure if you were arguing against people who don't like technology at first but then it changed. It is good to have a variety and everything you have put is great, just make sure to link it back.
Good work.
thank you....