Published May 15, 2010
Can you love?
Hold a dove?
Promise not to shove?
Can you be quiet,
or avoid a big riot?
What about sharing?
Or caring?
Or being really daring?
Can you properly eat?
And don't wiggle in your seat?
Most of these you can,
But won't,
like an unmarried man.
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141,411 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
I think this poem is only filled with cliches and it has no real meaning. The rhyming sounds forced, like when it says
Also, it should say 'not' instead of 'don't' in that part.
But you'll get better if you keep writing. Everyone does, and I did
I agree. This poem really has no meaning... it seems to just be a jumble of rhyming questions. That said, this is your first poem. Most people can't rhyme at all, and have a weird, messed-up meter. Yours at least accomplishes that. To be blunt, this isn't a spectacular, shining, amazing poem- but you can't expect that on your first try. Search for a meaning, use imagery, and show, don't tell. Keep writing, you can only get better.
-Dreamy
hey dear dont be sorry to anyone its your poem and if you say its great its great. we are only here to say what we think about it. and this is what I think about it.
You had a great thing going in your poem I must applaud you for you ryhms in the poem, but still because of that ryhm you lost the meaning of a poem.
A poem has to be meaninful, have deep feeling, contain some expressing his heart and other vices.
But in your poem there really isn't any meaningthat I can see in it. Next time when writting think of some you know much and write about it.
Welcome to YWS and dont be shy to write cause the more you write the more you become perfect.
sorry if it isn't great, first poem.