Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Humor

E - Everyone

the bagel

by Sheytato


supposedly
poetry is meant to vent,
express your feelings
when conversation doesn't work
then let me talk about
the bagel

my breakfast calendar read
"Cereal
Cereal
Cereal
BAGEL DAY"
but she ate the last bagel anyway

just kidding,
i don't have a breakfast calendar
but i planned to eat that bagel
it had my name written all over it
i even used a sharpie
(not really)

i had cereal instead
it was boring
just another bowl
of cereal

but she apologized
for eating the last bagel
i've never held a grudge
and won't ever

unless she eats the last bagel again 

(you've been warned)

*based on true events


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
27 Reviews


Points: 165
Reviews: 27

Donate
Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:08 pm
IvoryRose wrote a review...



Shame on @saentiel. Bagels are precious,especially with cream cheese. I just noticed that I don’t know if you even like cheese,or if you’re allergic. Oh well,bagels are amazing no matter how you eat them. Anyways,it’s REVIEW TIME! As always your poem is humorous and I liked the way you would repeat cereal. It shows how boring your breakfast was,until finally it was time for your bagel. Also,the fact that you don’t have a breakfast calendar is funny because it’s a fun take on exaggerations . Same with “it had my name written all over it”and “i even used sharpie”. It’s clear that no one would do such a thing and pointing that out was the best part of the joke. The only problem I have is that “i” should be typed like this I. I IS NOT WRITTEN LOWERCASE WHEN SPEAKING ABOUT ONE’S SELF. I know poems don’t have to have perfect grammar,but I’ve noticed that in a lot of works. Lots of people make mistakes and that’s okay. Overall,great poem. :) By the way bagels are not healthy,so it would not be in the health genre… Unless,that’s part of the joke. Please don’t kill @saentiel,she’s super sweet.




Sheytato says...


Thanks for the review! of course I like bagels



User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 570
Reviews: 58

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 7:12 pm
View Likes
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Might I guess who 'she' is? Your sister, perhaps?

Anyways, onto the review. This was in the spotlight, so I thought I'd drop by. I do love humorous poems, by the way.

That really didn't go onto the review. Onto the review, for reals!


supposedly
poetry is meant to vent,
express your feelings
when conversation doesn't work --> like MJTucker said, 'when no one understands/except the paper' might sound better.
then let me talk about
the bagel --> this may be stylistic on your part, but I would personally put a period here

my breakfast calendar read
"Cereal --> unlike MJTucker, I believe the lack of day is trying to prove a point: you dislike the same old, same old cereal (quite like myself)
Cereal
Cereal
BAGEL DAY"
but she ate the last bagel anyway --> I'm assuming this was a sibling, and this line is so true. Siblings. I have first hand experience.

just kidding,
i don't have a breakfast calendar --> I believe that the 'i' is not capitalized for stylistic choices, so I won't correct that
but i planned to eat that bagel
it had my name written all over it
i even used a sharpie
(not really) --> I personally don't like brackets in poetry, so perhaps you could say instead, 'I even used a sharpie/well, okay, maybe I didn't', but like I said, it's just a personal opinion.

i had cereal instead
it was boring
just another bowl
of cereal

but she apologized
for eating the last bagel --> again, if you were using periods I'd insert one here.
i've never held a grudge
and won't ever
unless she eats the last bagel again --> a great ending line! well, besides 'you've been warned'
(you've been warned)


Overall
I love this! Like I said, I love humorous poetry, so you tickled my funny bone :) Keep writing!




Sheytato says...


Thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed!





Haha you're welcome ;)



User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 34
Reviews: 54

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:33 pm
View Likes
AllisonArgent wrote a review...



Wow you really scared me there with the last line.Well to speak the truth I've never ate a bagel before, I know what it is but are they salty or sweet.Are they like doughnuts? well the thing is it was really funny. Things actually rhymed. Really well written and you are a pretty calm person aren't u I would've killed that person who ate the last bagel by the way even if I've never ate one.




Sheytato says...


Glad you enjoyed!

... How haven't you ever eaten a bagel?





I'm Indian, bagels are not common here.



Sheytato says...


Ah, I see.



User avatar
255 Reviews


Points: 24786
Reviews: 255

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:19 pm
View Likes
MJTucker wrote a review...



Hey there! MJ stopping by for a(pitiful attempt at a) review!

First, it's really hard to give a serious review to a humorous poem, so I'm going to do my best and actually give you some tips here.

express your feelings
when conversation doesn't work
I wouldn't really say that poetry is second-best to conversation, so maybe you could say "when no one can understand (space) except the paper". That's a more drastic change, but I don't think that you should imply that poetry isn't as good as regular conversation in a poem.

"Cereal
Cereal
Cereal
BAGEL DAY"
More nitpicky, but why does BAGEL have a day after it and not cereal? As an avid cereal lover(Lucky Charms for the win!), I am offended at this discrimination against milkiness and crunchy(most of the time) goodness.

Okay, so overall, there's not much to critique about this poem. I would have liked to see the MC's specific reaction, like maybe he yells at her and then feels silly, or something among those lines. But other than that, my favorite part was the overexaggeration and then the correction(specifically, when you talked about the breakfast calendar). I tend to do that too in conversations, and then somebody will correct me.

Although what you have there is still good, one other way you could write this is to have the sister on the side, like if you've seen poems that have a voice echoing on the side that has a few lines, but the majority of the poem is on the left side. That would also add an element of humor as the sister corrected you, "There's no breakfast calendar" and "You didn't write your name on it".

Hopefully this review was helpful, and this made me laugh, so good job on that! If you have any questions, don't hesitate to let me know, and I'll do my best to answer them. Have a potato-licious day :)

MJ out!

*poof*




Sheytato says...


Thanks for the review!



User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 626
Reviews: 10

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:09 am
View Likes
snowmonkey9 says...



This is the best!!!!!!!!




Sheytato says...


Thanks :)




"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland