Published January 22, 2006
Everyone please comment! Thanks.
Dream
Come with me to land my own,
A place I go to escape from home.
Stay where you are and close your eyes
Now dream up your own sweet lies.
Imagination gives you wings
To other places and better things.
Don't restrain it, set it free.
Let it decide your destiny.
No rules, no limits, everything to find.
You are your world's Mastermind.
Travel, romance, riches and fame,
Wonders only fancy can claim.
Now come back with a jarring thud
Back to earth, the hate and blood.
Dreams are sweet and dreams are free,
But never change reality.
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
awesome poem! just loved the imagery and although the rhyming at the beginning seemed a little forced, the wording was beautiful. You mite wanna work on the rhythm in this poem, especially nearer the first coupla lines but like i said...beautiful! great job!
~mez~
This is a great poem and it's so true that what a dream like. Also it may be better as a song.
I thought this poem was fantastic it captured me right to the end.
I think this poem would have done more for me if someone would have recited it to me. Since I got started on this site, I've lost most of my liking for rhyming poetry. Not really sure why, but that style feels too sing-song 'hey we'll be best friends forever send this to eight people or you'll be alone for the rest of your life!' kind of a thing.
This poem, however, didn't give me that vibe. It didn't make me feel anything, which I love in poetry, but it was well-written and flowed well enough. Some of your phrasing was nice, but once again, my real problem with this piece was the lack of emotion.
I think that if you expanded a bit and perhaps added some more concrete and/or tangible imagery, this would be less airy and hard to visualize. I know I'm rambling... Basically, it needs emotion. Make me feel the longing to escape into the world of "sweet lies," and then I think you'll be good to go.
I think this poem would have done more for me if someone would have recited it to me. Since I got started on this site, I've lost most of my liking for rhyming poetry. Not really sure why, but that style feels too sing-song 'hey we'll be best friends forever send this to eight people or you'll be alone for the rest of your life!' kind of a thing.
This poem, however, didn't give me that vibe. It didn't make me feel anything, which I love in poetry, but it was well-written and flowed well enough. Some of your phrasing was nice, but once again, my real problem with this piece was the lack of emotion.
I think that if you expanded a bit and perhaps added some more concrete and/or tangible imagery, this would be less airy and hard to visualize. I know I'm rambling... Basically, it needs emotion. Make me feel the longing to escape into the world of "sweet lies," and then I think you'll be good to go.
Thanks for that.
Is my age showing up wrong, or did you misread it? Because I'm actually 16... Still extremly novice though!
you know, i saw that you were a novice and twelve years old (and bitterly recalled my poetry from two years ago) and i immediately assumed this poem would be horrible. but, well...if you know the little phrase about word "assume"
despite the simple subject, how short it was and the simple rhyme, it appeared to shine. actually, because of these things it was a very interesting read - it was short, sweet, to the point and very understandable. it was not vague, the rhythm and rhyme were perfect....
man, just stick with that and you could be legendary =]