Cast not these doubts aside
As you revel until glory
Unladen...
And yet it dies upon a lonesome shore
But reality is not a tool for friendship
And one's worth cannot be scored
But I'm losing...
And this battle is far from over
Oh, I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth
And let you torture me so
Spit in my face and thrust disgrace
Until my blood is soaked no more
And split the hands that held you close
And kissed the face of the Holy Ghost
Who cast only me aside
And bade me unto fall
I suffered in the pain
But for you, I'd take it all
I'm torn inside
And my heart is reeling
Whose strings did snap within thin air
And broken, battered, lying lifeless
Upon the ground in disrepair
I cannot move, nor can I breathe
Like severed shackles who beg reprieve
To fall and break yet once again
But this time more with ease
My hands, they would not catch me
And I was forced to watch them bleed
I suffered in the pain
But for you, I'd let them be
My eyes, they screamed for mercy
As I was blinded by your hate
Yet this "reasoning" is nothing more than unadulterated fate
Blissful in the evening when the dark has come of late
And cuts into the bone of the soul it hopes to take
Yet I was baptized
Unto the very gates of Hell
Lost and withered in my decisions to grant you peace of mind
I suffered in the pain
But for you, I'd slowly die
I wallowed in your pity
Until it coated mine own skin
Until it burned straight through my flesh
And then baited me to sin
Whose claws did capture and enrapture
My heart that lay within
And grazed into my very being that forced me to begin
This long and hateful journey
That merely started on a whim
Drink me whole until I'm gone and finally lost inside
I suffered in the pain
But for you...I gave my life
Dearly beautiful and emotions are expressed and show well...
All ur words are well used and your work is dearly understandable and forme slightly relatable...
Work like this always touches my heart and leaves me thinking it's really beautiful.
" my eyes, they screamed for mercy. As I was blinded by your hate" beautiful line with great expression and passion...keep writing and stay passionate
I applaud you ona job well done!!
It isn't often I get to review a religious poem and so I'm particularly pleased! Especially as I felt my self fully expressed through your artistry.
Your imagery, diction and just literary craftiness are just understandbly worth dying for! I envy you. YUP, yes I do.
I loved the way this freeverse was well in rhythm. It epitomizes the beauty of words. And I'm falling in love with words again because of this. Everything sounded like a well plotted rhyme scheme though in pedantic observations it wasn't a restricted a rhyming poem.
I LOVED THE FINAL VERSE. Fromthe first line to the last I was enraptured by your diction and imagery and beauty of words how you painted Christ's skin with pity, drank him whole and whole gory beauty of it all.
The fourth stanza was amazing also but it needs a few readjustments where the length of lines are conncerned. A few lines where admittedly out of place. See something like:
My eyes, they screamed for mercy
As I was blinded by your hate
Yet this "reasoning" is nothing more
than unadulterated fate
Blissful in the evening
when the dark has come of late
And cuts into the bone
of the soul it hopes to take
Yet I was baptized
Unto the very gates of Hell
Lost and withered in my decisions
to grant you peace of mind
I suffered in the pain
But for you, I'd slowly die
Making the lines relatively the same length helps to keep up the rhythm especially when there isn't a definite rhyme scheme.
Note worthy of your beautiful words:
And split the hands that held you close
And kissed the face of the Holy Ghost
I am torn between the last stanza and the third for my favorite. Oh dear! I can't choose!
I'll stop right now and just re-read for pleasure.
Good job. Keep writing. And welcome to the site!
Wow, this is truly an amazing piece of poetry!
The emotion you have captured is very in-depth and moving. The description in this creates a very vivid image in my head, and the word-choices in this must have been heavily thought out (or at least that's what I think). I also really like the touches of archaic language placed into this and the rhymes placed here and there. One thing I am not entirely sure on is the Rhyme scheme, though I'm not at all an expert on poetry, so knowing me I've probably missed something.
Overall, I really like this piece. Well done!
Beautiful, Well written. Also you did well on transmitting the emotions from the poem. It's like i felt the emotions the way it was written with. Really good poem, you can tell you put time and thought into it.
All I can say is Beautiful, and greatly written