This is rated 16+ because there is some blood and violence. If you think that this should be rated something different, please let me know. Thank you! I hope you like it!
Fight for Life : Prologue
A blood red and ink black sky, hell’s denizen-like shadows slinking across the ground. On the rocks beneath my feet rests dry brown-black streaks mixed with dark sticky stains. Blood. A stick snaps behind me. I whirl around and see fiery gold, blood shot eyes stalking my every move. I run now. I run to escape the eyes, the shadows that are chasing me, I run to escape this living hell. Where are they?! They were supposed to meet me here in this forsaken land. Have they abandoned me? Left me in this place to die? Two shadows appear beside me. I jumped ahead and spin around. I am prepared for anything now. I have nothing left to lose. Two monstrous black wolves forge towards me. I draw my sword. I will fight to the death.
One lunges. I slash at its side. I feel the warmth of its blood spray against my face. I have no time to think, only to act. The next one is coming. I turn to meet it and lose my footing. The beast crashes into me and we fall to the ground, a flurry of teeth and steel. My blade seems like it has a mind of its own. I regain my footing as they both charge. I flow from form to form now, the blade an extension of myself. The wolves match me move for move. It’s like art, a complicated dance, a dance of death. I take one out with a blow to its neck. It’s only a matter of time now as the remaining wolf and I are tiring. Which of us will slip up?
I have no time to lose. My strength is leaving me. I lunge. The wolf also goes for the kill. Once again we met with a clash. Its long, blood stained yellow fangs sink into my side. I feel my blade slip into my enemies flesh. We break apart. The wolf looks at me with blood lust in its eyes. I stagger from the gaping wound in my side. The wolf takes a step forward, and falls. I am the victor, but how much time do I have left to enjoy my hard won satisfaction?
I see two more figures dashing across this stained land. What is coming for me now? The light is fading from my eyes, and my head feels like its floating. I will make my last stand here. I know my time in this land is short. I prepare to make a feeble attempt at survival. The two figures approach slowly now. The blurred figures come into focus for a second. Just long enough for me to see them clearly. I almost faint from relief.
I look at the two young men before me. They haven’t abandoned me. They haven’t left me in this place to die. I feel light headed. I focus on them once again. “It’s about damn time.” Then ever thing goes black.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh well this is quite the setting for a prologue here. I like the action packed start, it on most occasions does a pretty solid job of pulling you in as a reader and this one is no exception. The added bonus there of the feeling that someone has potentially set up this person here perhaps even with an intent to harm them considering the magnitude of what they are facing her makes this even more exciting and I think this is off to a lovely start here.
Oooh I love that we only get a proper reveal that we're dealing with wolves in this second paragraph. Keeping them as unidentified beasts to start off with just makes things that much more scary and engaging. As for this little fight scene that we have going on, I think you're doing a pretty solid job here.
Well that's certainly quite the ending to the fight. I like how quick this was here. It makes this rather deadly fight feel a bit more realistic to see too powerful forces collide and then collapse, neither one seeming to have truly one, it works much better than if this had been drawn out in any way.
Hmm well that ended a lot more positively than what I was expecting there, although that does now make for a very intriguing twist right there. We have ourselves a very interesting situation now where even though it initially hinted at the opposite it seems these people come in to save this person after all although of course there is doubt on why they'd got quite that late. Well at any rate, it all comes together quite nicely to make things very intriguing here for this particular story and I'd say it works out very well as a prologue here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
The people before me beat me to the chase on a couple of things but...
Really? She/he doesn't cringe at the pain of having a wolf with bone crushing jaw strength clamp it's jaws on her/his side? Or did he/she have so much adrenaline pumping through the veins that they were immune to the pain?
Anyway good story, but you really could develop the details a bit more.
-Adrian
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the critique, it's really helped. There were alot of things I didn't realize should be in the prologue. I will add some things and probably extend it a little to give me more time to explain a few things. I was originally going to leave this as the prologue and then start explaining everything in the first chapter, but now I can see how that would be very confusing. Thank you very much! I promise to post more soon!
Hey, Shelby!
I agree with BondGirl007, though, on the whole not-much-like-a-prologue thing. Oh, there's only one error I spotted:
This was pretty wicked!!
Shouldn't jumped be jump, since the rest of the story is in present tense?
Great job!
Hey Shelby! First, I don't think it really needs to be rated 16+ because it wasn't all that gorey, but that's just my opinion. So anyway, what I think you need to work on, is explaining the story a little more, that is after all what a prologue is for. I didn't really get a feel for anything, The character, plot, nada.
You had pretty good action though, but you need to work on explaining some things.
Who- this person is right now I don't even know if it's a girl or a guy, I'm assuming guy.
What- what is this person doing? All we know about him/her is they're fighting a wolf.
Where- describe the setting a little more. Are they out in a field? Woods? What?
Also your sentences are choppy, you need to use commas in a lot of places instead of periods.
I'd like to see where you take this, keep writing.
~Hope