No more than an Ant
I sit amongst everyone, wondering if I am the same or whether I was born on this planet or not.
Am I an alien? The answer to that question is tricky, I could be or I could not be. What are the rules that define normality? I wonder.
I watch, with a coffee in my hand, as a couple walks past the bench I sit on. The park is clean. Trees wave their branches as the wind whistles softly. The canopy is protecting me from above, only my extended toes are exposed to the sun’s harsh rays. As I wriggle them, allowing the cool breeze to slip through the cracks, I discover ants that I had not seen before. They are carrying little crumbs of bread on their back, taking them into the ground in a single file line.
Today, I feel like it’s one of those days. One of those days where I think it would have been best if I was never born. If life wasn’t as hard, if laws weren’t that restricting, and if only I could be a little more normal then maybe, life would be as easy as the ants who carry bread on their back. I would feel so much better. Maybe even happier to be part of that line.
They are connected, the ants.
Watching them with a curious expression, I wonder how I am connected. Where is my niche? Am I perhaps more worthless than an ant? Tilting my head, I watch them march into their home with a green heart of envy. They are all the same. I wonder if they have problems like me. If one of those ants down there doesn’t feel like the rest, doesn’t get along with the others, doesn’t understand the society he lives in and yet strives hard to be part of it. I can't possibly be the only creature in the world that feels like this.
I sip my coffee, it burns my tongue and I wince but dare not make a sound in this blissful morning. Instead, I set the cup down next to me and allow it to cool. Looking to my left, there is another ant hill not too far away. The ants from the left colony are also taking crumbs from the same plastic wrapper as the right colony. I ponder this. If an ant from the left colony joins the right colony, would they accept him? If I am an alien and if I came to this earth, would these people accept me? Or would I have to hide the truth and pretend to be one of them without having them pay notice? However it is too vexing to live a lie, I know this from experience.
With a frown, I pick up my coffee again. Despite the fact that it hasn’t cooled much, I drink it because I can be impatient. Ahead, a woman is tired from her morning run and decides to rest next to me on the bench. She smiles at me but doesn’t say anything. I return her smile with one of my own. Nothing is free in this world anyway. Perhaps, not even acceptance.
Still, I would be willing to pay any price for that.
------
Feeling burb. Wrote this instead of a blog entry. All reviews appreciated. <3
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,838 Reviews
Hey Shearwater! Nice story. It looks more like a journal entry of some sort. Maybe you could make a floder to to store these stuff. They would make a great collection of journal entries. And please write more of these stuff because you are very good at it!
Anyways....its really true you know like sometimes we can't help but feel doen and gloomy, wishing things were different..better. But, alas! nothing changes and at the end of the day we return to our naormal lives after so much of thinking and wishing. We all realize that the world moves on without waiting for us and yet we withdraw ourselves from reality sometimes to ponder about the ways of the world. Somehow after thinking so much our heart is in peace and we are more calm and energized to get back there and fight the battle. No mattter who or how someone is they have spent one ssuch day atleast.
Well...nothing much to say. Just that your writing is off balance at some places its better to write it on paper and after some editing and balancing you should post it.
Overall...this is nicely done and hope to see some improvement next time.
Till then keep writing.
Instead of "I sit amongst everyone, wondering if I am the same or whether I was born on this planet or not.", maybe try something like this:
I sit among the others, wondering if I am the same, if I was born on this planet or not."
"I discover ants that I had not seen before. They are carrying little crumbs of bread on their back, taking them into the ground in a single file line."
Here instead of the single back, try the plural backs. And instead of 'had not', try hadn't. It makes the story flow easily rather than feeling broken.
Today, I feel like it’s one of those days.
Try instead "I feel like today is one of those days" or "Today just feels like one of those days" or even "It just feels like one of those days today.
That said, this line: "Today, I feel like it’s one of those days. One of those days where I think it would have been best if I was never born. If life wasn’t as hard, if laws weren’t that restricting, and if only I could be a little more normal then maybe, life would be as easy as the ants who carry bread on their back. I would feel so much better. Maybe even happier to be part of that line."
is REALLY good.
I love this character's train of thought, his musings.
Still, I would be willing to pay any price for that.
This line is simply amazing.
This was an extremely well thought out, well written piece of prose.