Published May 19, 2011
Framed and faced,
Blamed and braced,
I allow them to call me a holy disgrace.
I try and I fail,
I fail and I cry,
I sit in the shadows and ask myself 'Why?'
Shattered and scarred,
Tattered and tarred,
I question myself at my own disregard.
For years, I have wondered,
I wander in youth,
Am I a real person, or an illusion of truth?
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hey thanks for all the views, if you wouldn't mind leaving a comment or review that would be great and I will return the favour
if you want me to check out your work and leave a review just post me the link.
Hi Shauna Jay,
Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.
This flows beautifully. I love the use of short sentences-they gave the poem a great immediacy which really drew me in. The rhyme pattern is very effective.
My only small suggestions are giving "Tarred" a lower-case 't', as it doesn't really need a capital. I also would alter the second last line to read "And wandered in youth" as I think it flows a little better, and cut the final "an" so it fits the rhythm of the piece more precisely.
A pleasure to read overall.
I hope this helps. Feel free to p.m me if you have any questions.
Jas
Hey! I can see you're new here so pleasentries first! I'm Amelia! It's great to be able to review your work today. I must say that your word-choice, grammar, and spelling are spot on. No errors there! I liked the pace of your poem. You presented your ideas methodically and the structure was good. If not for the title I wouldn't have known this to be about an alter ego. The poem was rather crypic in message, and that is my only critisism. Other than that, a brilliant piece of work! Keep writing!