Published August 19, 2010
If I could keep you by my side,
If I could feel your lips on mine,
If I could only bring you back to life.
You would say it is a bad dream,
That soon I will wake up,
And find you beside me,
Holding me in a tight hug.
You were my everything,
My heart, my soul, my life.
You spun the world around,
And now even though I can't see you,
You're still my beautiful red rose,
My beautiful, dead rose.
Although we are far apart,
I feel you presence close to mine.
You're everywhere I go,
And I know you won't leave.
You're always with me,
My beautiful, dead rose.
When the moon switches with the shining sun,
I close my eyes to stop the tears,
To stop the screams, the bad dreams.
I close my eyes and imagine you with me,
Holding me close to you as I listen to your calm and rythmic heartbeat.
My beautiful, dead rose.
Now I won't forget about our love,
It grow strong and big.
It developed into something beautiful,
Something that remainds me of roses.
Roses such as you.
Beautiful, dead rose.
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140,879 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
I agree that this was so touching i loved it.
I like your use of the "dead rose" image. But your poem just didn't seem very deep or satisfying to me as a reader. I guess I'm trying to say you could add something to expand more on the story aspect of your poem, if that makes sense.
That should be "grew". Instead of saying "big", such a common word, I suggest you use something more describtive.
Good job, though!
It's good....Keep up the good work!
This poem was littered with overworked cliche and metaphor. That being said, there's something I like about the imagery of comparing someone you've lost to a dead rose. My personal opinion is that this just scraped the surface, never really taking the plunge that it could (and should) have. I think that you could expand this to capture even more feeling, as well as opening up to some more originality. I love reading something that feels 100% unique. This wasn't bad, I just felt like it could have been more. Catch my drift?
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver