(Note that the numbers indicate new stanzas because it won't let me break it apart.)
1.) Seaside gladness,
I return to the sand
The sun on my face
A shell in my hand.
2.) To those who seek a friend,
Who will listen and understand
The ocean will hear your words
And will reply with the crying of seabirds.
3.) The cool breeze,
You are at ease
The waves splash at your feet
A day at beach makes you feel complete.
4.) Though I warn you and say
Check the weather during your stay
The ocean may be your friend
But it can easily bring your life to an end.
Tempest, hurricane, tsunami today?
Then it's not a safe day to play.
5.) But please let not this ill tithing scare you away,
For truly the coast is beautiful on a clear day.
At the seaside there is magic and wonder here
For in every experience there is something to enjoy and something to fear.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Can u review your own poem? I'll try, buy, dye...I want to see if you can earn review points from yourself, shelf, elf. It's fun to run, under the sun. I sit under a tree, bee, pee, see, knee.
But then again, it might not work, smirk, twirk, jerk. I'm just a lazy girl, with hairs of curl, I like to twirl and swirl. I'm not very funny, or punny, like a bunny, but looking out my window I see today is sunny, when I'm sick my nose is runny. Should I stay or should I go? I don't know joe, moe, foe, blow, row, glow and woe. If this doesn't give me points, I'll be sad because my fingers ache in the joints!
The Missing piece here for a review! I really love this! It's beautiful! I miss the beach, where I am it is -16 degrees out today! My favorite part was
"The cool breeze,
You are at ease
The waves splash at your feet
A day at beach makes you feel complete."
I really enjoyed this! I liked this because when I read this I can feel like I'm on the beach! I can feel the waves and the breeze! Good job!
~The Missing Piece.
Hullo Shannon! SubtleSanity here for her first review!
You have a very active and clear imagery and you clearly knows what you're trying to express through your words. The imagery here is stunning and very realistic, something that all poets should aim to do. You've painted a wonderful picture of the sea and the beach, and the secrets and the danger it holds. Simply stunning, now down to the stanza. I'm no poetry expert, but I will try my best.
I find it very clever that you separated the stanzas by numbering them as numbers, almost reminds on one of those lifesaving posts where they list the things you have to watch out for. Anyways, this is a very clever first stanza. Is short but is effective, it reels the readers in. You return to the sand, why?
The second stanza has a very clever end line, although I think you meant 'with' instead of 'will'.
In the fourth stanza, there's a line that interrupts the flow with the rest of the poem. It just seem a bit off to me, but is just one line. So, is not a big deal.
Good? You can use better words than good! How about safe? Good is one word that you can always replace with a better word. Refer to the thesaurus!
Ah, the ending is splendid. Especially the last line, since there's nothing to pick on here. I shall finish off my review by saying that you've written a wonderful poem filled with beautiful imagery! I can hear the waves, feel the air, touch the sand and hear the cries of the sea gull even though I'm sitting in a room. Wonderful! Keep up the good work! Hope I helped!
-SubtleSanity
Oh thank you so much! I totally forgot to change will to with, lol. Thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Hi Shannon, Laure here for a review:
First of all, let me say you have a true knack of creating imagery with your words. This is also a very unique poem and I like it because is unique. I like how you've separated the poem into five numbers, like guard posts to remind people!
All your stanzas, are very well-written. Simple but beautiful, derived of any overused or unnecessary words. Though your rhyme is a bit jittery but it does bring a nice, soothing rhythm to the poem. Much like the waves of the sea.
My favourite lines?
The ending is really well-written, truthful, beautiful and it wraps up the poem in a nice little buddle. For it is true, in every experience there is always good and bad. This is a very fine poem! Well done!
-Laure
I really love your ending line. It seems to wrap up your whole poem very well and leave your reader with a this completed feeling and a truth about generalities of life. I think this ending line kind of makes the poem for me. But, throughout this you use incredible imagery and I can almost feel like I'm at Hawaii. I remember being there and now I really want to go back!! You are a really good writer and I love your style. Please continue to grow and keep improving! You have so much potential
Hello Shannon! Have a great day.
While reading your poem, I thought of the idea I have ever had before (when it was writing a poem to be sent to a magazine). We have the same ideas about the sea and the waves. Going straight to the point!
I love the first stanza! A simple sentence but its effects stand out. Each stanza display messages of its own. I like when you try to use the end rhythm in your poem. How the beauty of the beach that is sometimes like a trap. It can be a place for us to unwind, but from there also a disaster could happen.
I was also impressed with the imagery in your poem. It creates a multi-sensory effect on the reader. Readers get an image of the sea and feet touching the sand. It's all works great!
The only thing that needs some improvement is the second last poem that began to change in terms of forms where you give 6 lines there. I feel better maintained in 4 lines per stanza. Another thing that the difficulty is to find a suitable rhyme. Sometimes we are stuck with it.
Tone of voice was mixed. It changed from the beginning to the end where when it sounds like a warning. A sudden changes, sometimes hard to take.
Overall, you have a good idea to reflect on. I certainly see the potential that you have. Keep writing!
Kudos, cheers.
Thanks so much! I see what you mean, I'm grateful for the review and I'll keep working on it.