Published June 6, 2010
Austin
Perkinson &
The Great
Escape
Prologue: Bad News
It was mid December when I got the letter that said that my Grandfather had passed away. I was thinking how this could have happened so suddenly, he wasn’t even sick with anything. Three months pass and I get another letter from the hospital.
This letter said, Dear Mr. Perkinson, These past couple of months, we have done some investigating on your Grandfather’s death, and we have discovered that he died from a serious case of Untreated Pancreatic Cancer that spread to his brain and eventually killed him. Sorry for your Loss, MD. James Wilmington.
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...right off the bat I have to this feels a bit incomplete and in that sense I find it a bit hard to judge if this one works as a prologue or not. In some sense it could, but this sense of it not really ending isn't helping out too much. I don't know if this is perhaps intentional or if simply you decided to upload a partially complete piece but a second look is advised here.
Moving on from that particular issue, I think you've managed to do a pretty decent job here with what we have. There seems to be a pretty clear idea of where you want to go in terms of the story, and while the premise is nothing that will grab your attention as a reader too quickly in terms of being strange or unique, it is shocking enough that as a reader you do take notice of where this may be going.
Overall, I think you've got a pretty solid base here...and even though there isn't really all that much information here to judge where this may be going, from what I can see at the moment, it seems like this is headed towards some pretty intriguing territory here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
*Hello Shamrock, I am JackpotJohnson here to review -JJ-, Red=Grammer Mistakes and Blue=My Ideas
Overall you have a good start. However it is not showing much. You are telling us everything, and leaving us blank on important details. You should broaden this out more. This is a prologue to a fantasy novel right. You did not show us that in any way.
I think that if you spend some more time, you will have a wonderful prologue, just broaden it out more. Tell us some more. I will definitely be looking for more of your work. Until next time
-JJ-
Sweet however a bit too short. By the time you caught my attention I was already done reading. It does have some potential and I will continue to read on, yet I do feel a bit disappointed that it was a barely a paragraph. Reading on how the narrator's grandfather passed away and receiving a letter on regrading his death is nothing short of a good prologue. It was just short.
And it wouldn't hurt to put the letter in a letter forum instead of a paragraph.
All and all you did get me some what hooked and will read future work on this topic.
Keep writing!