Published July 18, 2009
‘My Only Way To Love You’
Written by Danny Kielty
Verse 1:
Don’t you think its funny how,
That up into the beams and boughs,
A thought of you sits and stands-
Expands- no hands!
Verse 2:
You sit an inch behind my eyes,
Down into and down you glide,
Through my ears into the hands,
And out in shivers,
Right where I stand.
Chorus:
I stand,
I’m holding fast,
But this won’t last,
Last legs, last laugh, my only way to love you.
Verse 3:
All around the people say,
Leave the past,
Live today.
But its her I love,
And here she’ll stay,
In my head,
Or hell to pay.
Verse 4:
To ease the pain of my heart sustained,
I make do just being near to you,
I touch your face,
A warm embrace,
My only way to love you.
Chorus:
I stand,
I’m holding fast,
But this wont last,
Last legs, last laugh, my only way to love you.
Outro:
And here she’ll stay,
In my head,
Or hell to pay.
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Canary word: Present
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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hi Shaker-maker! =]
I'm Rosemarie, your fellow CIA teammate.
The last line doesn't really make sense to me... Maybe this is better:
Don’t you think its funny how,
That up into the beams and boughs,
A thought of you sits and stands-
You and I, hand in hand.
I loved this verse --- it's just sweet and not soppy. I thought the whole song was really cute~ =]
Anyway, I liked your song really much. Even though love songs are really popular, I think your song stands above the others.
Great job! Keep up the good work! =]
-Rosie
Hiya.
Oof i cant stand Taylor Swift haha!!
I totally get what you are saying though. The thing is, i wrote this song AFTER id written a melody on the guitar, so its hard not to slip into a constant matching rhyme scheme.
So yeah, id agree that in places the rhyme is a little forced in order to fit and i also take on board that the title of the song should be included in the song.
Last legs is an English expression, meaning "i cant go on any longer." (Noticed you were from the USA so i thought that may be why you didnt understand!!)
Ill have to post you one of my songs which isnt so directed by a melody and see what you think!!
Ill be sure to check out your stuff too!!! (
Thanks
Rhyme:
If you want to make the song really rhyme, maybe try some different rhyme schemes throughout. All the stanzas and what not don't have to have the same rhyme scheme going.
Just as a general note, remember, songs don't [i]have to[/u] rhyme. I'm not much of a rhymesmith so I tend not to rhyme my songs that much but if that's what you like to do, cool.
Some of the rhymes felt a little forced to me. When I write, I don't even think about rhyming. I just let the words come and if they end up rhyming, they do. Try not to force them, if to follow your rhyme scheme you need a word to rhyme with 'laugh', if 'graph' doesn't really fit in or work with what the rest of the stanza is saying, just don't make it rhyme.
Examples of this in your song:
None of this made sense to me.
That was the only big one.
I thought this stanza worked well. It's really rhymey, but it sounds cute, not forced.
Rhythm:
I thought the whole thing had pretty good rhythm overall. I could hear the song pretty well in my head but it kind of sounded like this one Taylor Swift song. I think it's called 'That's the way I love you'. Maybe it's just me, who knows.
This line:
Didn't flow as well. I think 'my only way to love you' should be it's own line.
Also, I just noticed this. 'Last legs'? What does that mean?
Topic/Overall:
This is a really popular topic to write songs about. I think you did a pretty good job. I thought the song was cute.
Nice start here, sorry if I seemed harsh.
PM me if you have any questions or need anything!
-Carly