Tears On Halloween

Tears on Halloween

By: Rayne Storme

   It’s two in the morning and I’m standing in the middle of an old dirt road. My tears roll, unchecked, down my cheeks as I struggle to remember what happened here. She died here, in this exact spot, my sister, my best friend, my Jessie, but I don’t remember it. When I think of that night all I remember is the light fading from her sky-blue eyes. There’s something blocking the memory of that night, something in me that doesn’t want to remember what happened. Maybe I shouldn’t be here, trying to bring up a part of my past, the Gods know it’ll only end in agony. But I want to remember, I want to remember every second of that night, because there’s a part of me that’s still stuck there, reliving the last seconds of that night over and over and over again. The memory hits me at two thirty in the morning, knocking me to my knees…

It’s almost four in the morning and we’re leaving the party together, walking from the warm house into the cold rain, laughing drunkenly and shoving each other playfully. Jessie looks over at me, grinning, and I have to smile back. From the house a boy calls us to come back, he’ll drive us. But Jessie shakes her head, she has legs for a reason you know. She clutches my arm as we turn onto the dirt road that’ll lead us back to my grandparent’s house. My head is spinning but I feel on top of world. Jessie’s laughter makes my heart race in the way that only a best friend can induce. Then his voice emerges from the darkness, seeming to echo in my head. This isn’t right. He shouldn’t be here. Jessie grabs my arm, trying to pull me away from him, back towards the party. It’s a useless effort. We’re too far away. He walks towards us and I back away, trying to hold in the scream that wants so badly to come out. Jessie’s still standing there, glaring at him like she’s daring him to come any closer. I yell at her, telling her to run, to get away from him for fucks sake. But she doesn’t. She turns towards me and tells me to go back to the party, to get Julian. But I can’t move. I can’t leave her. She yells again, at Sheldon this time. Her tone is harsh, filled with a rage I’ve never heard before. He answers with a laugh. I’m crying now, running back to Jessie’s side, begging Sheldon to leave her alone. He can’t do that, he says, she’ll get him in trouble. Jessie looks towards me, her eyes saying a million things all at once, and I want to scream. She reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. She’s apologizing but I don’t know what she’s apologizing for. She hasn’t done anything to apologize for. She whispers a soft, “I love you sissy” that’s almost lost in another deafening crack of thunder. Sheldon laughs, the sound grates on my ears, making me want to scream. His eyes are cold, hatred filled holes as they turn to stare at me. He’s holding something in his hand but I don’t want to look at it. I have a feeling I know what it is, what he’s going to do with it. As he raises it towards me I close my eyes, wondering if this is going to hurt, begging every God and Goddess I’ve ever heard of to save Jessie. When my eyes open I’m staring at the back of Jessie’s head, listening to her argue with him. Something inside me wants to scream at her to stop, to let him do what he’s come to do. I open my mouth, ready to say just that, but he’s already pulled the trigger and she’s falling in front of me. Behind us someone screams but I’ve stopped paying attention to anything but her. My knees give out and I land in the mud next to her. She’s barely breathing but she has the energy to tell me to stop crying, “you’re ruining the fucking moment” she says in that way that only Jessie can. I want to beg her not to leave me but there’s no time, she’s already gone. The scream that bursts forth from my lips seems like something out of a nightmare but I can’t stop it…

For a long time after the memory ends I can’t move. I’m stuck there, unable to even speak. The memory will never leave me now, I’ll never be able to forget, but I can move on now. I can put it behind me and live like she’d want me to. I turn, walking away from that horrible stretch of road, heading back towards my grandparents house. As I’m about to leave it behind forever I turn back long enough to whisper four words in the calm silence:

 “I love you sissy…”