Published April 15, 2009
Prologue
His name echoes in the dark recesses of my mind. Clayton. Even now, the sound of his name can give light to a darkened day. It seems as though it's been a thousand years but that isn't possible...is it? Who truly knows? Maybe he does. Maybe he’s out there counting the time and spaces between us. I doubt it though. If he were still out there he would have come back. Unless he’s moved on, he would have come back. And if he’s moved on, there’s no reason for me to have come back. But I have to. I have to make sure.
I remember that summer. It was both the best and worst summer of our teenage lives. Tears would fall, screams would rise, and we would lose one of our own. And no matter how much we fought against it , that summer would stay in our memories. None of us will ever forget what happened. She was dead and we couldn’t bring her back.
She was my flesh and blood and she was killed by someone with my flesh and blood. We were all there that night, we all saw what happened, but no one believed us. They all thought that the one who killed her was innocent, that the killer got away. But the one who killed her wasn’t innocent. She killed my sister, and she should be punished for her crimes, but she won’t be.
Not long after that night I was forced to leave that town behind. But I’m back now. I’m staring into their eyes and he isn’t here. He’s nowhere to be seen. Tears fill my eyes as I begin to wonder where he is. Why isn’t he here? I look into their eyes, tears falling in rivers down my cheeks.
This reunion is bittersweet. On one hand, we’re happy to be together again. On the other hand, we’re all remembering that night six years ago. None of us has forgotten and that makes this hard. If only we could forget this could be easier. But we can’t forget because the memory of that night is burned into our memories.
As we stare at each other my tears begin to slow. I smile at my brother, trying not to cry. But that’s impossible. I have so many things to cry for. We walk slowly towards each other and when we reach, Jake’s arms surround me. I lean against my brother’s chest. He holds me close and I close my eyes. Tears fall from my eyes in rivers. I squeeze my eyes shut as I remember how that summer began.
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141,422 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
HMm...well this is a rather intriguing way to start of a prologue. I have to say everything about this is honestly just giving me general first chapter like vibes. I think this might honestly be a bit better suited to that judging by the type of opening you have too. Tapping into memories and talking about them like this seems like an essential starting point of the story and that shouldn't be left out to dry in a prologue like this.
Oooh well moving on from that mini rant earlier, this is a very solid opening that you have here. Its quite strong and now this section only heightens the whole feeling as we get fed a little more information on this death that was mentioned earlier. The more we learn here, the more terrifying it appears to be and I'm loving it.
Yup. Well that caps this off nicely. It seems like pretty much the reaction you expect people to have. I think you've described it all quite nicely here. The only thing I have to say here is once again, this should definitely be the starting point to a first chapter not be lost in the prologue like this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
hi everybody! I'm just writing to tell you that i'm re-writing this story...again. I'm revising the Prologue and 1st chapter and i will post soon. thanks to all of my readers.
thx to everyone who reviewed this chapter. I'm typing the first chapter on Microsoft word right now, and as soon as I'm done I will put it on here. the first chapter is the Now part. But the second chapter goes back to that summer. In the Then part you'll find out something incredible, but in the Now part, you'll find out who Clayton is and why he's so important. He's one of the most important characters in the story. Read and Review! THANKS TO ALL MY READERS!
I'm going to finish the second chapter and post it soon. I think u'll like the rest of it. But thanx 4 reviewing. I appreciate it.
that's very suspenseful, even if it had already happened.
I liked the prologue, it makes me wonder what happened and it's also very agitating not knowing. 
i hope it turns out well, it sounds like it's going to be a great story. 
diaNe
The sister wasn't the murderer but you were close SuzieCake. She was the murdered. Clayton is Jessica's (the main character) boyfriend. U'll mmet him in the 1st chapter which is already posted. It's under the name Black Hearts, Blue Bloods. I accidentally changed the name. lol.
And to Futrwighter422 thanx. It's not that hard to draw he reader in, you just have to know how to write a good opening sentence. It has to bee something that will make the reader think: 'what's going on'. and yeah, i will wread your story.
thanx 2 both of you 4 reviewing i really appreciate it.
ShadowPrincess.
I really hope that you continue with this story, it's amazing so far. I'm really curious about what happened to her sister. The way you lead the reader into that was great. You have real talent with pulling the reader into your story; I wish I was good at that. I have really good ideas, but I never know how to draw the reader into it.
If you like this genre, which I guess you do, check out my story, "Hell At One Window". A lot of my friends read it and said that they were practically crying by the time they were done with it. You would probably like it too.
Good luck with the story
~futrwrighter422
Okay, all I did was skim through because I'm in a bit of a hurry so I won't have any corrections or anything, but this was good and I'm so waiting for the first chapter.
But what I really want to know is: who is Clayton, why is he so important, who got killed, why was the sister the murderer, and why did she came back to the town?
Maybe giving a little more detail on what happened with the murder would be good. Unless you plan on doing that in the chapters.
Sorry this review is so short, but like I said, I'm in a hurry. I have to write a history article on the Cold War. -sigh-
thx. i'm still writing the next chapter, but it's almost finished.
This was pretty interesting!
The only thing is that you repeat yourself and say the same thing in a number of different sentences. It does set the mood, though. Over all, good job!
You should keep writing, if you haven't been. This could definitely turn into a really good mysterious love story type thing. If that's what you had planned.
PM me if you need help!
- girlwithquestions
This was pretty interesting!
The only thing is that you repeat yourself and say the same thing in a number of different sentences. It does set the mood, though. Over all, good job!
You should keep writing, if you haven't been. This could definitely turn into a really good mysterious love story type thing. If that's what you had planned.
PM me if you need help!
- girlwithquestions