Controversial? Possibly offensive, no language in it. Be aware when reading. Do speak if I should raise the rating.
The only way anyone can understand this is if you read it with an open mind. And, no I'm not a rapist, assassin, or a murderer before anyone asks. :\
:::EDITED: 1 Time:::
You're No Different
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They say we're insane;
I never thought so.
Here I am speaking,
making a point.
You get all the glory,
while I get the joint.
You say gay marriage; more rights!
Justify that for me,
when I say murder and rape.
Value everyone's opinion, you say!
What about mine?
It's another end of the spectrum, can't you see?
You act so blindy; so Hypocritly!
It's not a word, is all you can see.
Look no farther than the page and the surface, you do.
There are assassins who take the blame;
they're called cowards when you run to fame!
So high and mighty you ride,
why, I cry!
You think you're God with all your rants and cheers!
To who's rules do you adhere?
Now I'll come to an end of my rant,
the poor ryhming scheme and all.
You look to my grammar and shun me!
A rant, something silly; that's all you take it as,
that's why I said it, but you still ride high..
Well, look at yourself, you're no different!
At least I admit it.
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Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The things that I noticed have already been pointed out. I really like the way you play with words, very creative. I can't quote and paste or whatever to show you my favorite part, because I loved every word. I'm not just saying that. I find any poem about being different or not being different, or anything with the words different or opinion OR admitting, I find that poem very interesting . I have to say this is my favorite of all of the things you wrote. Keep up the good work, I hope this review helps in a way.
Hey Shadow! Here to review.
This poem grabbed my interest with the title, really. I'm not quite sure why, but it did. xD And, right away I'm going to say that I agree with Whitesocks - I like the message you're trying to get across here. I feel the same way in more than one aspect, but I did have a few nitpicks.
The ending was something that I didn't really like. No, not the very ending - I like the last two lines - it was the stanza before that:
What didn't I like about this? The fact that you're saying 'Now I'll come to the end of my rant.' There was something about that that made the poem seem like you were just using it as a satire - something silly. And that's obviously not the case here. Those first to lines in this stanza make the whole thing seem like you were just goofing off. And I know that that's not the case, and this is more my opinion than anything else - but I'd look it over again. xD Just in case I'm right. (Not saying I am. But.)
Otherwise, though, I really did like the message in the poem. I don't usually like rhyming schemes, but your word choice was well-used and it sounded natural. (For once. I love poems with rhyming schemes that actually work.)
I can see where you're coming from, and like I said, I agree with a lot of what was said here. It was definitely a good poem - and I'd encourage you to keep it up.
Keep writing,
~~Ish.
I really like the message this poem is communicating. Two people, vastly different, always taking pot shots at each other (at least I hope I got that right!). I'm familiar with the type of conflict, and I've been a part of it more than once. You've got a lot of good here, but also some things that could be improved....
I found this passage to be a little confusing. I was wondering what exactly the point was. Just maybe you might want to clarify that in the future.
I really like the part where you say 'Hypocritly,' because the first thing I did even before reading on was say to myself "that's not a word." In writing it, you've almost already proved the point, haha. That's a very clever technique put to good use here. Keep up the creative wordplay!
Even at the end, it says ' you look at my grammar and shun me.' that's a pretty accurate analysis of several people. They only take words at face value, and don't look within to see what they really mean. That's a good phrase to use their, I think it's well-placed.
'You're not so different, at least I admit it.' That's a very good ending to tie it all together. The narrator is telling the other person that they both criticize each other on their views, and even petty things. It's almost like a taunt saying: 'you could be virtuous and at least admit that you do it too.' I really want to stick it to people like that sometimes, but I try to be eloquent and polite. Although this poem does a good job of both!
Anyway, I really like the message here, and the only thing I would recommend is maybe using a little more concrete imagery, just for clear communication. Hey, if you ever want another review, you're more than welcome to PM me!
- SOCKS