Wonder

Hi ShadowDweller!

I'm not sure what I think about this poem, but it didn't strike me as anything special. Basically, it just repeated itself.

Repetition in poetry goes two ways. First, if the repetition is done well enough, line a line or two, it becomes a refrain almost and if the lines are good enough, well, then the repetition is worth it. However, repetition of entire stanzas and just using it as a template to fill other words with is just silly. And that's pretty much what you did here. It doesn't make for a better "impact" on the poem and nor does it make it stand out more in a decent way. The way you've done it limits yourself for variation and freedom of emotion.

So what I'm asking you to do is to maybe shake things up a bit. Throw in a twist or something! What is the narrator's obsession with living in the future? And while they're wondering... what thoughts come to mind? Do they think about a career, a family life? Or are they thinking about how they will be as a person then? I think it would be really interesting if you included a few stanzas with more than just what the narrator is doing but also what the narrator is thinking about what they are doing. Let's hope you can understand by wordiness in the early morning.

If you have any questions about this review, please don't hesitate to shoot me a PM.

Yours,
Lavvie

Hi Dweller!

*likes* I really liked this poem. I kind of sympathize with the narrator. When I read the poem, I thought there's a deeper meaning to it. And I'm sure there is. But, I can't really figure it out. Maybe you could add an extra stanza or two? Though, honestly, even though it feels like you need to explain more, the poem seems complete just the way it is. So maybe, you could use more words. But, all that depends on you. You're the one who wrote it, after all.

Now, one major thing your poem is lacking is punctuation. I've marked it all out in bold for you.

We three lie on our backs,
In midday summer heat,
Staring at the stars,
Wondering.
Just wondering,
What will happen tomorrow?

Both he and I lie on our backs,
In midday summer heat,
Staring at the stars,
Wondering.
Just wondering,
What will happen in middle school?

I lie on my back,
In midday summer heat,
Not a star to be seen in the sky.
I wonder,
I simply wonder,
What will become of me,
Ten years from today?

What I wonder more,
Is this:
Why are my two best friends,
Not here to Wonder with me?