This is a peom that I thought had a catchy rythm so I decided to post it. It does tell a story and I do use some sybolism in here. I hope you understand it. I don't know if it's very good though, so here goes...
Hey up,
Day up,
Waz up,
The sky’s up
Giddy up,
Mastermind,
Follow the wind up
Watch the rain,
Ignore the pain,
Willow wane
The beggar’s bane
Swing the bat,
Hit the ball
Get to base,
First of all
Will the wall,
To fell a fool,
And miss the catch
For the school
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Wait and watch,
Hear the smack
Never turn your back
Will the wall,
To fell a fool,
And miss the catch
For the school
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Don’t dittle, dattle,
Frittle, frattle
Get called safe,
To win this battle
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Two sixes on the board,
You have to get to home.
You’re running out of time,
But watch out for that gnome!
Kapittle, kapattle,
Kapittle, dittle, dattle,
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; WHOOP!
You didn’t make it home,
But’s that’s okay, it’s true.
We’ve got one batter left
Who’ll really make up for you.
Swing the bat,
Hit the ball
Get to base,
First of all
Will the wall,
To fell a fool,
And miss the catch
For the school
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Wait and watch,
Hear the smack
Never turn your back
Will the wall,
To fell a fool,
And miss the catch
For the school
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Don’t dittle, dattle,
Frittle, frattle
Get called safe,
To win this battle
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
You’re almost home,
Don’t strike out now.
Run your hardest,
Don’t fall down.
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Thanks, Dreamer. Tell your sister I think she's awesome. I'm not good at writing songs so she really has a talent. Anyways the Kapittle section was supposed to break away. It's where the runner gets out and he doesn't make it to home.
I love your poem, but this section:
Kapittle, kapattle,
Kapittle, dittle, dattle,
Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; WHOOP!
kinda broke away from the poem I think. I loved the poem, though. I showed my sister, and she wants to turn it into a song. She's trying to find the right beat for it now.
I know this isn't much of a critique but I love this poem. I'm just goig to repeat what everyone said. The rythm is catchy and it's a very illistrative poem.
I like the
'Pitter, patter,
Fritter, fratter
Fingle berry; SNAP!' That is cool.
Haha, this was an awesome poem. Very cute, and the rythm really drew my attention. I don't know of a title, maybe Baseball? That's all I can think of.
I know it's lame but it's all I got.
Haha, very enjoyable. The rhythm is catchy! I loved that beginning, just adored it.
The rhythm seemed very off in the last two lines. I suggest just scrapping them.
Not much of a critique, sorry, I just wanted to enjoy it. This could totally be lyrics...some sort of incredibly obscure indie band hit. It kind of made me think of Lemon Demon's "Word Disassociation" and I don't know why...perhaps I just think of it going really fast and spitting out all these words.
Colleen
I liked this poem. Write more. I enjoyed this one as did my sister.