Marathon Mind
I’ve got thoughts racing,
but never crossing the finish line,
never one that takes the lead.
a few tumble behind,
colliding and bursting in flames.
one dies,
trampled and shot.
but still a continuous race,
without a specific end,
or particular track,
without distinct competitors.
Ideas snake in cutting off
Rational thought, that stumbles to stay standing.
In this race of my mind
there exists no referee or rulebook –
anything goes.
A speedy Stereotype slide tackles my good judgment,
shins bleeding in agony.
It’s a brutal fight-
evil versus evil,
good versus good,
rarely relevance intervenes.
any hint of logic or common sense
is quickly taken down by
Free will-
A spastic kid that’s feet are too big for his shoes.
It’s a fight to stay alive,
Dodging punches and diving through fire.
The marathon of my mind
has many casualties.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Don't ever start a line or a stanza with the words 'and' or 'but'! There are many words that can go in the place of those, and to me, they all sound much, much better when at the beginning of a line/sentence.
Aah, sorry I had to start with that!
Nice poem! I loved it. It shows emotion. Again, I loved it!
[spoiler]I give it a 9.5 / 10 ! Replace the 'and' with 'yet' and I will give it 10!
Wow.
Thats all, on first impression, that I can say.
Now after I've overcome my shock...
This was a great piece, honestly, from top to bottom, great vocabulary, metaphors and even a few great comparisons. Awesome analytical phrases and stanzas, I really loved the flow and the composition of this entire work.
Now to possibly the only minor flaw, a few lines seemed offset by what you put, like it was an incomplete thought or the like. Try and keep things as smooth as the rest and the line transitions wont be much of a problem.
Great job, Gold star, definately.
Keep it up ^_^