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Young Writers Society



To Go Astray

by Seraph


A child hath breached the northern door.
He cometh through love, with much to adore.
Or so they say.
For love has been shown
To go astray.
If you've not known.

And finally lost is the man and the world.
For love he once knew, 'till a curse had been cast.
Then hatred was hurled:
A hate that would last.

So here we are, time and time again.
In the time when Evil has left his den.
And his kin spark flames of ice,
For the world has been tempted and has rolled the dice.

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110 Reviews

Points: 6441
Reviews: 110

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Sun Aug 25, 2013 3:13 am
Gardevite wrote a review...



*Invades for review day*

What up Seraph? I'm invading your portfolio for review day xD

So, for starters, i'm not a HUGE fan of rhyming poetry, but I liked your gentle rhymes in this poem. It didn't interrupt the flow of the poem too much, so good for you MATTHEW.

For some strange reason, and please correct me if i'm wrong, but is this poem about birth and the life cycle? xD well it looks like the first two stanzas are.

In your first stanza you described a boy breaking through a door (the womb xD) and entering the world with so much love, and then being corrupted and going astray. Then you describe him as becoming lost in the world, and the hatred he feels towards it. Then you go on to say how often and useless it is that the world chews these people up and then spits them out.

I'm sorry if I interpreted it wrong, that's just the feels that came to me upon reading this :D

Overall I liked your poem, wonder if everything in your portfolio will be as fun to review ;)




Seraph says...


You've done a magnificent job at interpreting it! XD Thank you for the review as well!



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125 Reviews

Points: 3435
Reviews: 125

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Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:45 pm
PixieStix wrote a review...



Hey Pix here! Here are some things I think about your poem-

-I like how you kept the stanzas at the same pace, it tells you know what your doing.
-The words you used in the poem really give the poem gave it life, and that made the poem more...Realistic.
-You have to think about the poem, which I absolutely loved. You can't just read a work once and understand it. Good job.
- In the first stanza-

"A child hath breached the northern door.
He cometh through love, with much to adore.
Or so they say.
For love has been shown
To go astray.
If you've not known."

That stanza was very important. I like how you started off with the child, love and how you got the title. Again, this gives the poem life.
- What I think could improve (I'm sure you can :D ) Is more information. It feels like we only gave a snippet. It sounds Like your trying to tell a story, If I'm not mistaken, and You told the beginning and end perfectly, In the middle, I think more information could be included.

Other then that last one, it was AMAZING. I can't wait to read more of your works!





A beautiful funeral doesn't guarantee Heaven.
— Haitian Proverb