Morning/Mourning
As I swallow the morning,
Oh, so bright.
People are mourning,
For the safety of the night.
They are exposed by the sun,
From the light they then run.
Out of slumber,
Upon an early number.
And upon our effervescent rise,
Another life lives;
Another life dies.
Battlecry
Have I been seeded?
Am I a simple dough that sin has kneeded?
Have I lived a blessed lie?
Am I destined to live or die?
Many men cry,
For the end is nigh.
But let that be my battlecry!
Transfer to the Sun
Terra firma has lost its grip.
The horizon's rays,
Against my skin, they nip.
With blazing stares blindness lingers.
These rays are simply extended fingers.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I feel like I was a little harsh and I feel bad, but I wanted to have some constructive critism! Don't be afraid to do the same to my works, also.
Overall, these poems were great - I love the ideas and the imagery you put into them. They radiate emotion, too!
-Dai
Flawless. Absolutely nothing wrong with these three poems. In fact, they flow together almost in a trilogy. Again, flawless. This is absolutely astonishing. And I knew this was apparent from the moment I read the first two lines. This is utter perfection. Congratulations. You have reduced a teenage boy to tears.
I thought that all three were absolutely amazing, and there's nothing I would improve.
It's an opinion, it's just that, so keep up writing you're amazing!
Granted that's just my opinion, but..
Oh well.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3