Published October 15, 2011
I keep tripping on the soles of my shoes
'Cause humble just looks so good on you
Smile with your teeth, this ain't the time to be shy
The veins beneath my tongue have a tendency to lie
Let's get lost and spend a bus token fortune
Because you've got a heart made in perfect proportions
In a city where nobody speaks
I'll talk to you with lighthouse beams and tin cans and strings
Tins cans and strings and various things
In a city where nobody sleeps
We'll stay awake, sharing skin, sharing smiles and sheets
In these foreign tongued dreams
All my pennies invested in the bottoms of wells
And all my dreams put in stars that fell
You flood my veins with formaldehyde
But I don't really mind living half alive
Living half a lie
In a city where nobody speaks
I'll talk to you with lighthouse beams and tin cans and strings
Tins cans and strings and various things
In a city where nobody sleeps
We'll stay awake, sharing skin, sharing smiles and sheets
In these foreign tongued dreams
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I love this. It has such rhythm and music. I truly loved it.
I love the theme of the lighthouse you used. really made a perfect image for me<3 I love lighthouses!
with the right tune.. This would be epic! I feel it!
That's really good. I write songs too, and I love the terms and such that you use in the song, if that makes any sense.
I really love this. You have a great rhythm and you do a good job rhyming - there's not a single spot that feels awkward, like you sacrificed meaning for rhyme. I don't remember if this was under lyrics or not, but I definitely got a song vibe from this, and if you ever write music for it you should put it on Youtube and tell me. I'd love to hear it.
Favorite lines:
"'Cause humble just looks so good on you"
"We'll stay awake, sharing skin, sharing smiles and sheets
In these foreign tongued dreams"
"All my pennies invested in the bottoms of wells"
The only suggestions I have:
I'd put a hyphen in "foreign-tongued dreams." Also, the line about living half a life after you say the bit about formaldehyde in your veins didn't really make sense to me, because formaldehyde is usually used to preserve dead specimens (like for dissection), and it's a poison, so really you wouldn't have a half-life...you'd just be dead. So you may want to consider going with something else here, either something else in your veins or something other than a half life.
Other than that, loved this. You had some great imagery.
~Blue