Published June 27, 2009
Anger, hurt, disappointment
All those words, I'm scared to say out loud
Sometimes as a huge wave, knock at my door
Say, where have you been that long?
No answers, just an emptiness, white and clear
Thoughts and memories keep circling
Through every bend of my confused mind
Comes out everytime, in a different fear
Call me back, call my name again
To make me feel that I've been remained
An excuse I spared for you, let me tell
My story, then you'll understand
How lonely I am
How numb I behave
And how broken a soul could be
Insecure, pessimistic and realistic somehow
Sleeping can't let any wind blow in
Is it dust, covers me?
A tiny box stands there, I'm afraid to open it.
The darkness, seems the only being.
An elegant way to run away
From which guilt I am in,
Still a mystery.
Hold me strong, convulse again
To free my dreams, to end this flurry
A destiny I collected for you, let me show
My delusion, Then you'll see
How loyal I am
How curious, again
And how brave I try to be
End of a paper, cried a little more
Need to say goodbye, although I want to stay more
I loosed myself, and now I'm lost
How a scream could cross the oceans,
Or why that sound has much power
Not to leave...
Hey, everyone! I hope you like and review it, I really need your opinions, thanks for reading:)
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141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
Hello there!! Hailey here, and I'll be reviewing your poem!
Okay, I liked this poem a lot! It was great and held a lot of emotion for me. The wording and imagery was great and that's really good for a poem to have. A poem like this is a great way to express yourself, and I think you did that In this poem.
Good job!! Keep it up!!
~*Hailey,<3
Hi Selin! I'm June!
(that's just the way emotion goes. xD)
So, I think poems about emotions are a wonderful way to express yourself and get the words out in a way other than talking. However, I have to say, they're kind of too common.
I see you have a slight rhyme scheme going here, but it's not consistent, dear. It's decent, but it's not favorable, because it's not the dominant image of the poem.
With that said, it's hard to focus on one object and make it dominant here-- the emotion is a lot of confusion; it's all these crazy feelings that this character can not make much sense of, and we want to sympathize with her and understand, but it's a bit tricky to, because we're not this character. We understand the reason for her angst, we understand that she's emotionally offended, but, even still, we cannot fully understand.
And, with that said! This particular poem sounds a little wordy. It feels like the character is talking to someone-- maybe talking to herself-- or writing in a diary. It's good, dear, but there's not much in it for us, because we don't understand her.
Nice work on this, Selin! Keep it up, and enjoy YWS!
Juniper
I really liked this poem. There was alot of emotion thick inside of it, and I could feel the gulrt and fear rising off you. My particular favorite stanza was:
"Insecure, pessimistic and realistic somehow
Sleeping can't let any wind blow in
Is it dust, covers me?
A tiny box stands there, I'm afraid to open it."
The analogy was very rich here.