1- the birds don't get paid
She sings on the corner
her hat damp from last night's rain
she waits for a clink
in her cardboard cup
but crowds pass by
like a breeze
the birds don't get paid for singing
why should she?
*
2- choices
He sits on the edge of the cliff
and wonders what it would be like
to fall.
then, suddenly, taking in
the glass-clear air
he wonders what it would be like
to fly.
*
3- kite
The sisters fly their kite along the shore,
foam lapping at their feet like
a cat drinking milk.
their kite is a broken kind of bird,
but they nurse it to the sky
with the patience of
the moon
waiting to rise.
*
4- drummer boy
I always loved you
I'm not sure in what way,
really
but that's not what matters
what matters is the reason why
and the reason is that
your fingers dance on the table
and make drumming look like
a dance.
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139,604 Literary Works • 672,617 Reviews
Hey Rose here for another review!
you do not really need the "the" there and also where you said you also do not need the "the" there. Besides that it was a really good poemFirst to start off you are a very talented writer and you should continue to write poetry.
Ok for the first poem where you say
Now the second like EverWinter said it is cliché because of how everyone wants to fly. Other then that I liked it.
For the third one and forth one I did one problem and that was just punctuation. Just be careful about that. Other then that they were both really good.
Again you are a very talented writer and you should continue to write poetry.
Keep on writing!
~Rose
thank you!
Hey! EverWinter here for a review!
I really enjoyed these poems. They are all pretty short, which can be good or bad, depending on who is reading it.
The first, there are some extra words like "the" which could be removed.
In the second, it seems kind of cliché. Everyone wonders what it would be like to fly... Have him do something unexpected. Have him swim through the clouds.
The third and fourth are both pretty good. Just pay attention to punctuation. Put commas and periods at the end of the lines and such.
Good job with these, they were a great read!
EverWinter
thank you!