It's Missing You

Hello! You wrote so well it made me want to read again! It was full of rhythm and emotion. Almost made me want to sing it out loud. Of course, you could get better if you write more. So don't ever stop writing. You can do pretty good in song writing. You've got the words to keep the readers engrossed.

SeeMySoul27 wrote:This heartache is just long past due
My mind goes insane with every thought of you

I like this poem. I like how she knows that it's silly teenage drama, but got caught up in it anyway. It makes it feel more real. The lines are longer than the average poem, which isn't a bad thing. I like it. You could probably, since the lines are so long, break it into two stanzas. But I think it's fine as one, I'm just saying it COULD, not that it SHOULD, it's an option. You did a nice job of making the poem feel real, and I really like that. All in all, good job.
-tgirly

This was an amazing read for me. It was very emotional and well written. You do have some cliches in there, but they aren't too bad, so I won't list them out. You are a wonderful writer and I hope to see a lot more of your work!
ShadowPrincess16

SeeMySoul27 wrote:

This heartache is just long past due Not sure why you need the "just" here.
My mind goes insane with every thought of you "Insane" is so cliched. Think of another word for this.
It's missing you that makes me like this
Makes my every emotion an evil little twist Get rid of "little." But other than that I like this line.
It's crazy how you'll forever be in my thoughts It is? Seems like you're trying to explain why it isn't crazy.
The reminder of the time I got caught
Up in all this teenage drama girls seem to live off of Don't know if I like this line. Consider changing it.
This moment on will be the beginning of a new start Get rid of "on."
The rythemic beat of a stitched up heart It's spelled "rhythmic."
Reminding me of time spent with you
And the heartache I was able to get through
Reminding me of time spent with you
And the fact that I'm still missing Wait, you were just telling me that "you" were missing, and now you're telling me that it's you that's missing?