Red Dress

The para-exterminator closed the zip on the body bag. The angelic tears swept upon the exposed ground, drowning the life, and deafening the cries of help. The red and blue lights whirled in my mind. My whole life has been a metaphorical story.  It's been like this for as long as I can remember. School yard fights escalating beyond anyone’s control, next thing you know, you have a dead student. Teachers were paid to keep a blind eye on the situation, no form of government or police force cares, we have a 'population issue', there's too many of us, or so they say. The church, yes, that’s right, religion, does not hesitate to openly advocate messages like; 'The quicker you die, the quicker you'll be able to experience the wonders and pleasures of God the creator and heaven!' Who in their right mind would believe that? Oh that's right, not many people are in their right mind, indoctrination courses through this society.

“Kai?” I was pulled out of my metaphorical trance, to a lost and unfamiliar world.

“Yes, Jaim?” What is this world? And why am I here?

“I'll be at yours by 8 to pick you up for Sophia's party tonight, that cool bro?” Oh that's right, this world. I nodded, and began my walk home, unsure of whether or not it was truly my home.

I was quite looking forward to tonight, parties, the one chance I ever get to just go all out, drink as much as I can, and forget about everything I ever cared about in this world and hopefully satisfying my constant search for euphoria. The walk home was long and painful, I mean, what isn't painful about hail stones dropping down hard on you from the sky?

'Open' I quietly murmured to the front door, the metallic reflection of the door slid up instantly, I walked inside, Mum, Dad, I'm home. Of course they couldn't hear me, they've been dead for six years, I just like to think they'll always be here with me. The phone rang, the buzzing melody echoed throughout my head, “Yes?” I spoke, clearly letting them know I couldn't be bothered.

“Hey Kai, it's Tess”. Ah Tess, Of course, the girl I've always loved, yet the girl who never loved me back, she ran through my mind, I was nervous, “Yeah, I'm coming tonight, uhm I'm kinda busy now, I'll see you later.” I hung up, heart racing. Tonight will be interesting, very interesting. I thought.

The sound of a car beep woke me from my slumber. I walked to the door and muttered 'Open' and walked towards my ride, I hopped into the car and silently acknowledged Jaim, I watched as he input the destination into the car’s computer, and the car drove us to what I hoped was my epiphany. Technology, gotta love it. We walked to the doors; I saw her, saw Tess. Her golden hair … perfect, her breath taking eyes of a piercing icy blue … perfect, her … perfect. Does she know? If only she did.

At the door, two government officers stood, each with a notepad and pen, obviously writing down statistics, they always did it, writing down our preferences of alcohol and 'party enhancers'. “Alcohol?” they asked, I nodded and pointed to a pack of pre-mixed drinks, they grabbed them and handed them to me. “Party Enhancers?” I shook my head, No thanks. “You can't enter without them mate, so choose and be on your way” This time, I just shrugged, the larger of the two grabbed two little white pills, ecstasy, and handed them to me, Yeah right, no chance, I value life. I walked past, into the dazzling storm of lights and heightened emotions that was the party, I saw Tess approaching me, wearing a mini dress that was a darker shade of blood red, her beauty radiated and lit up the room in the absence of all the lights.. Without hesitation, I dropped the little white tablets, I like to call, death.

**

Does he know? If only he did. Thoughts whirled in my mind, and yet, they were only of one thing, him. Kai standing in front of me, I didn't know what to say, what could I say? I like him a lot, I think I really do, but I can't tell him, what if it screws all we've got up? Which isn’t exactly much, but...?

“Hey Kai” I heard myself say, oh my god, here goes nothing…

I couldn't exactly hear what he replied with, the music was so loud, but I got the gist of it I think, I smiled, and moved in closer... What are you doing Tess? Don't go too fast! He moved in closer, and whispered something in my ear, I could only make out part of it, my heart skipped a beat and my stomach became a bottomless pit causing a sinking feeling I couldn’t describe.  I watched as Kai walked off. The only thing left to do was to enjoy this party, My hand reached into the tiny pocket of my dress and grasped onto two tiny white tablets, they were called Party Enhancers, but to me they were happiness and reassurance. I shouldn't be doing this … He shouldn't of done that to me either. The white tablets slid down my throat.

**

Damn, I can feel my heart pumping, god, is this adrenaline? I'm so nervous, I had to get out of there as quick as possible, and I’ve ruined my chance with her. I know it, do I care? What the fuck am I thinking? Of course I care. She means a lot, or does she? I just walked away like she was nothing. This really isn’t a good time for self-doubt I tell myself as I feel my body being pulled to the rhythmic trance of the music, just once dance. Yes, just one dance!

*

I should really go find Tess, say sorry, and excuse my behavior, oh look, there's Jaim, like usual, surrounded by girls, “You seen Tess?” I yelled, he nodded and pointed to the left, sure enough, there she was. Although was it? She was dancing wildly, she didn't seem herself, she was sweating, she was panting, she kept grinding her jaw, something's wrong, I know it is. I pulled her away from the mass of guys stationed around her, Idiots. I walked her outside, something was definitely wrong, her body temperature was not just warm, it was getting increasingly hot, I put my hand on her heart, god, how I would have loved to have done that in normal circumstances. She should have her hand on mine, it's much more fitting. Her heart was pumping at an extraordinary rate, her imaginary grip around my heart just tightened, she took ecstasy! What do I do? Training in these kinds of situations was prohibited, oh crap, this has just all gone downhill, and why do I fear the worst? The grip tightened even more, my heart suffocated. She was blinking at me blankly, I sat her down on the nearest bench, do I leave her? Hell yes! She needs help, so I ran. I've never been so fast in my life. Jaim saw me, he called my name, but I ignored it, in the corner of my eye I saw his figure fast approaching mine, he’s always been faster than me, he grabbed my shoulder and stopped me, “Where are you going?” he asked.

“Away from this Jaim” I failed to make eye contact, partly because I did not want him to see the tears, mostly because I didn't know exactly where I was going. Was I running away from it all? The pain struck again. Jaim looked me in the eyes.

“You can’t leave her man” and with that he walked off. But it’s not really her. I just stood there, waiting for the rain to pour down like this was some kind of movie scene and the thought gave me hope, but given the current circumstances of my life I knew better than to believe in false realities. There was only one thing left for me to do, as shallow as this is, I need to get help. So I walked right back to the two men who caused it all, the beginning and the end.

“Someone's dying, we need help! Call the life assistants, please!” I yelled to the government officer.

“And?” he smirked. I didn't. I wasn't laughing, no, I was angry, rage surged through the life of my body that still survived, the part that never gives up, my arm moved itself, my fist hit his head, pain replaced the anger, I was on the floor, head pounding and vision blurred, his partner had pinned me down. Then I saw it, the piece of metallic hope that would definitely end all of this, put me out of my misery. It was pushed away by his partner, the first officer, the one who I had punched, looked at him questioningly, the second officer, just brushed off the look. ”Get the kid some help” he said, and the officer released his grip on me and dialed his phone, the part in me that never gave up, still never gave up. Hope took its daily route in my mind; will it be asking for lodgings? , I got up. I ran back to where I had left Tess. She was still on the bench, blinking blankly, only her body temperature was much more high, and her heart rate still increasing, she's going to have a fit if I don't do something soon... but what could I do? At that moment, the help arrived, my god that was fast, which god do I keep blatantly referring to?  My eyes widened when I saw what help actually was, I convinced myself that he was here for someone else, that familiar face, he was … the para-exterminator I witnessed at school earlier. I saw him converse with the two officers, they pointed at Tess. No, no! This is really what a life assistant is, isn't it? Assisting in ending your life? Spare her please.

**

The despair in his eyes killed me. It was the ones like these that made me question my job, I never asked to be the one to end people's lives, I was asked. It just didn't make any sense, but I couldn't dismiss it, once asked by the government, you have two options, take the well-paying job and the knowledge that you and more importantly, your family are safe or live in fear.

“What's your name, boy?” I eyed him; there was a certain aura of hope and fight around him.

“Kai, can you please save her? I know who you are and what you do, but she means the world to me.”

The pang of guilt hit, I couldn't do this to her. I looked into her open eyes, she was beautiful all right,  they looked back at mine. I have to save her. She's a special case. She's the one. I helped her onto the bed, and wheeled her into the back of the ambulance, she'll be right, I told myself. I'm more worried about him.

**

He's gone, she's gone. I'm gone. My whole world shattered, in a night! I didn't think it was possible, but now I know it is. You don't know what you got till it's gone. For the first time in my life, deja-vu kicked in, and I began the even shorter, yet eternally longer walk home. The skies were rumbling and the clouds heavy, but I remained oblivious. The rain started pouring down; the little tiny droplets were trying unsuccessfully to pierce the non-visible barrier my emotions had erected. I am to blame. I kept replaying the course of events and focused solely on what I had said to her. Why didn’t I just tell her? If only I had told her how I really felt, we could have left and enjoyed the night, together…

*

Days turned into weeks, no word of anything, I don't even know what happened to Tess, I think about her every day, I even dream about a faceless girl in a red dress and remind myself that although as grim as this may be, happiness is somewhere out there, just waiting to be found. This let me draw strength and never give up, and that daily visit of hope, always kept me hoping. What for? The doorbell rings, it alerts me of an outside presence, outside presence, exactly what it is. The door opened and at first I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming.

“Hey” that beautiful voice was familiar in my mind. I stared at the source of it.

There she was, beautiful as ever, golden straight hair, those piercing eyes… and then I knew, that god.

“Tess, I-“ her finger pressed up against my lips. This is a movie scene I can believe in.

Our lips touched, you know how I mentioned before I’ve always been searching for euphoria? Well I think I finally found it. I can feel her warm body up against mine and the only thing coursing through my mind was the fact that I had finally found happiness. Then it dawned on me, of course, you’re the girl with the red dress on… the girl I’ve dreamed about.