Young Writers Society

Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review (and a late welcome to YWS)! Let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
- The names in this story are really unique and beautiful.
- I think that the characters' dialogue toward the end shows a lot about their personalities and backstories
- I like how you wrapped the title into everything at the end.

Room For Improvement
- This story has a strong premise but it's quickly lost in some of the typos you made. First off, I would like to start with dialogue. When someone starts to talk, you indent their speech and start with a new paragraph. You did this correctly here:

" That must be Usman. I have to go" I said.

Despite indenting correctly here, you ended wrong. When adding a dialogue tag to the end of a speech, make sure to add a comma. When the same character continues to speak but starts a new sentence, you don't need to keep adding commas. Make sure to fix that here:

" Don't worry I will start reading next week". " I have a party to attend tonight "

Secondly, I would like to talk about worldbuilding. It seems we have strong characters that are meant to teach a strong message, but the amount of setting and description doesn't allow us to know anything or anyone apart from a few sentences. What do the characters look like? What do the different buildings, parties, and other settings they're in look like? What do the facial expressions of these characters give off/show? And if you can, make sure to tie in the five senses.

Lastly, I want to talk about pacing. Pacing in this was honestly pretty good in this story, but when you add description or anything else to it, you need to make sure it's distributed evenly and not put in one place altogether (i.e. info-dumping). I only noticed one place where you info-dumped:

That was my closest friend and we stayed in the same room in the hostel. I am by name Yusra Ishaq and I was in 200 Level at The Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, Kaduna State.

It would have left more mystery for the reader to unfold if you had added these facts throughout the story. Alternatively, you could have shown this more through the characters' actions instead of simply telling us (i.e. show, not tell).

Overall Opinion
- This story has a lot of potential and I honestly wish there was more. I hope you continue to work on this piece and any of your other writing in the future.

Happy writing, and have a blessed day!

Serrurie

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

This is quite a powerful little message I think to be giving out here, showcasing that being lazy and not getting your work done is never going to work out and cheating on things will eventually get you caught.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

"You need to read your books" Said Rufaida. That was my closest friend and we stayed in the same room in the hostel. I am by name Yusra Ishaq and I was in 200 Level at The Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, Kaduna State.

" Don't worry I will start reading next week". " I have a party to attend tonight " I replied. " That is what you said last week and we both know that you're just being lazy" Rufaida said. Before I could reply, I heard a honk.

Well looks like that's something that's not going to end up getting read there judging by that conversation. It very much seems like Rufaida there is a bit of a procrastinator and is not about to get started on things unless they absolutely have to there.

" That must be Usman. I have to go" I said. " But we are not done" Rufaida replied with anger and disgust in her voice. I partied through out the night and Usman took me back to the hostel around 5: 00am in the morning.

" Rufaida I am back" . I shouted at the top of my voice. " Do I know you? Cause you're not the Yusra I knew last year. This Yusra parties all night, has a tattoo and goes out with boys. The Yusra I knew was very religious and hard working. " Rufaida said with tears in her eyes. " I am sorry, I promise I will change". I replied.

Well this part begins to become a touch hard to follow there with the way you're separating out the dialogue tags there. I think you need to work on making those a bit easier to follow there. Other than that I think you're getting across a powerful message here about being reponsible.

I didn't go to any party and attended my lectures for the next few days. It was time for exams and I was sure I wouldn't be able to pass cause I didn't study. I planned to enter with my phone and pass my exams. Rufaida advised me not to.

The exams day came and I entered the hall with my phone. Unfortunately, I was caught. As I walked to the panels office, my whole life came right in front of my eyes. I remembered my parents and Rufaida's advice but it was too late. I wish I was hard working. I now understand the meaning of the saying " Laziness Has No Reward".

Well looks like a lesson well learnt there from the looks of things. A bit of a difficult one too from the looks of things when it comes to the sheer consequences. Definitely a tough lesson learnt there.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think it work wonders to showcase what can come of laziness. My only real advice here is to work on those dialogue tags a little bit to make them better to follow. Its a nice little cautionary tale here.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

hi there, i'm just dropping by for a quick review

this story is a one about laziness and how it can affect your life. in the story, the main character is Yusra. Yusra is a university student who started their second year of university partying most nights, despite her best friend, Rufaida, advising her not to. as far as teaching the lesson about laziness, i think that this story accomplishes that well. Yusra doesn't study for her exams, she chooses to party, and as a result, she is caught cheating during her exams that she didn't prepare for.

one thing i would suggest would be beginning a new paragraph each time a new person is talking. typically in dialogue, this happens to help the reader follow along with who is talking. it would look something like the following:

"You need to read your books," said Rufaida. That was my closest friend and we stayed in the same room in the hostel.

I am by name Yusra Ishaq and I was in 200 Level at The Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, Kaduna State.

"Don't worry I will start reading next week I have a party to attend tonight," I replied.

"That is what you said last week and we both know that you're just being lazy" Rufaida said.

Before I could reply, I heard a honk.

"That must be Usman. I have to go," I said.

"But we are not done" Rufaida replied with anger and disgust in her voice.

I partied through out the night and Usman took me back to the hostel around 5: 00am in the morning.

i wish this story was longer, it would have been cool to see the characters more fully fleshed out, maybe some descriptions of the hostel or of the parties themselves. but overall, thanks so much for sharing here and i look forward to reading more works from you!