Prologue
I’m going to die.
That’s all that resonated in my mind as I watched the Kaht slink down the street. Its tail, slender and ginger, flicked from side to side out behind it, a contrast to its humanoid face. It had a quiet yet demanding aura, similar to how a wealthy man would walk around beggars. Walking one foot after another. No noise. Watchful. Waiting.
I barely shift to hide myself better; the Kaht looks in my direction, ears twitching. Its slanted green eyes seem to pierce through the leaves and directly into my little tree house, and it sinks to all fours. I jerked shut my curtains, heart racing, and I hunkered down as I heard the sound of soft pads against the dirt and dead leaves. Picking up a pillow, I stuff it over my mouth and nose to muffle my breathing. Those eyes remained. They flashed in my mind - strange and cold and glittering with malice. My arms shook, and I tried to hold back the urge to run - it would catch me. My breath was now coming out in ragged pants. The pillow was wet.
A low growling sound came up from the floor underneath me. The Kaht found me. Shnik shnik shnik. Claws scraping up bark. Tears prick my eyes as it gets louder. Shnik shnik SHNIK SHNIK SHNIKSHNIKSHNIK. I tried to move, only to find that my muscles were locked. I tried to scream, but it came hoarse.
Mum. Dad. I hope the Kahts don’t get them. If I die now, I’ll never get to see my baby brother. Never see anyone again. The lump in my throat got bigger and bigger as I thought of more nevers. A high, pained, croon of misery escaped my clenched jaw.
Thunk. Pain stabs through my shin and I cry out, stumbling back. Something glistens in the dark, slender and sharp. Warm rivulets run down my leg and I bite down to keep quiet. A crack resonates through the treehouse, then a cold breeze. In front of me, there’s a gap in the floor. Three sets of long, thin claws poked up and gripped the wood in front of me, and a fourth set, accompanied by a muscled paw, reach up through the gap in the floor. It grasped and scratched around. I felt a small gust of air on my burning leg as it passed me and I press myself further back under the window, curling myself in a ball and hugging the pillow as if it would protect me. The sound of rustling leaves grew louder and louder, the claws getting closer and closer-
“MRAAAGHHH .” came a choked growl. The claws suddenly fall away, ripping out more floorboards as they do so. I move forward, tossing away the pillow, and peek out of the hole in front of me.
On the ground below: two crowguards, the Kaht, locked in combat. I watch wide-eyed, as the crowguards attack the Kaht, now bleeding profusely from one eye. The Kaht fought on, but despite its huge size and agile limbs, it never managed to do much more than brush the air the guards vacated. Their black wings – shining, strong, powerful- keeping them in constant motion. They fought with what seemed to be a perfect strategy, from alternating angles and heights, in perfect synchronisation that can only have come from years of brutal training. These were true crows. One of the crowguards slid out from in between his feathers a thin, double bladed sword, and jammed it into the Kahts other eye. The Kaht let out a sound between a growl and a cry. Blood dribbled down like tears. Blinded, it stumbled back, before turning and fleeing. Where it is trying to go, I have no idea. I only know one thing: it won’t make it. The crowguards didn’t chase it, and I stopped looking when the vulturions swept down. Mum doesn’t like me watching the vulturions work.
They say there are rips in the fabric that separates the dimensions of our world from Terra Hominum (meaning “man’s land”). These let in the Kahts. Kahts are the rulers there, and have been worshipped for centuries. Their name simplified to ‘cats’ – the real spelling lost in translation. The Tower of London is a gateway to Terra Hominum, protected by 6 of the greatest ravens who have ever lived. What they do I don’t know, it’s a secret well protected. I only know that if they ever fail, all is lost.
I looked at the crowguards with wide eyes, a warm feeling spreading through me as I observed the way they went about, picking up dropped weapons and soaring off back to the Nest (Dad says we have a nest too, but this one is special. It’s confusing.) They completely ignored me. That was the moment I decided I wanted to be a crowguard.
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141,378 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
An intriguing opening. It's quite funny, I missed the segment in the description that clarified that that characters are actually anthropomorphic, so I was fairly confused about that whole bit until the end. speaking of which, I think it would improve the quality and the reader's understanding if those last two (or at lease the second to last) paragraphs were placed at the beginning of the passage. That way, the reader has a little more info as they're working their way through, especially if it has to do with world building.
In general, it is quite cohesive, if not a tad sudden. I agree with the review from SemperAugustus, when they suggested that a more subtle decline into the action would be beneficial. That way, the reader can have a more compounded sense of panic, more akin to that of the actual character.
I anticipate further installments.
Hi,
I thought that the main character was passive in the first chapter. It would have been interesting to see him attempting to flee and then falling or something (this is actually what happens in a prologue that I wrote, though my characters aren't crows. I hope I picked that up correctly, because from the first few paragraphs it seems that the MC could be human because you mentioned mouth and nose).
Also, I don't understand the part where he has pain in his shin. Does the MC get injured? Personally, I tend to skip content in a novel when they're in brackets. Not sure how others see this, but I would avoid using them.