Truth is, you should lie with me

I didn't personally like the poem, but it does have strengths so I wouldn't feel too disheartened.

Before I go further though I'd like to reiterate that my review isn't meant to be negative, it's meant to be critical, my aim is to help you see the flaws that I see, in the hope that you improve them. Even using the word 'flaw' isn't objective, as what I don't like may be something that endears someone else to your poem. So please, don't be offended if I sound harsh, that's not my intention at all!

I liked the first stanza, I thought it was powerful, a great image with the yellow paper and black ink (as opposed to the standard black vs. white). Can't fault the first stanza really, other than the "DIfferent" which I'm sure is only a typo.

The second stanza is where a few things that I don't like start to pop-up. I don't like how you lost the rhythm that you initially had: 8-9 metres per line, but that's disrupted in stanza two/line two: "Or dusty old floors". I'm sure you had your reasons to disrupt the flow, perhaps to emphasise the 'emptiness' of the individual's life, but to me, it only annoyed me as it made me stumble and trip when I was reading it - in other words, it upset the natural flow of the poem.
However, I liked how the second stanza ended; "Always with bottles of Honey Jack / Undressing to hide the things that I lack" are really a great pair of lines.

Third stanza I can't fault again, and I quite enjoyed the imagery of it: the use of "raw" and the imagery of the fire.

Stanza four was a bit.. wishy-washy is the best way that I can describe it. It starts well, with the lips touching and the tasting of smoke (eurgh!), but the last line I just didn't understand. Maybe, it's meant to be ambiguous or maybe the guy is a womaniser, but: "And swayed women to get their fix". Hmm.. I'm not sure if you just wanted to find something that rhymed with 'fix' but, I don't know, for some reason I didn't like that line - it just didn't fit in for me.

I did not like the final stanza at all: to me it's ambiguity threw me off when compared to the realism of the rest of the poem. How does one 'tangle' themself in bones? The second line was just too juvenile when compared to the rest of the poem to me. The third line set it up for a surprise ending, like: 'Woah, did she just imagine this whole thing?' but the fourth threw me off again and I ended up without closure for the poem - which was disappointing to me.

Overall I liked the poem, don't get me wrong, but it's just it had little tidbits here and there that threw me off and left me frustrated. I should also point out that I'm a total snob when it comes to romantic poetry so unless it's PERFECT, I'm gonna most likely criticise it in some way, shape or form.

Apologies again if I sounded overly negative, I didn't mean to, and you don't need to change the poem at all - it's your prerogative.

If you have any questions, queries or comments don't be afraid to ask me, I'm only a stone's throw away!

First off, wow, just wow.

Okay, I am like in love with this poem. I think I'll start off with a pro/con list for this review.

Pros: I love, love, love, some of the words your paired up together, and the simple, yet powerful, imagery it creates. In particular:

"Those nights I'd see silver coated shores."

Beautiful.

Or:

"Undressing to hide the things that I lack."

The reader really feels for the narrator of the poem.

And:

"Tangled up in lovely bones."

Raw, but packed with a lot of feeling.

In addition I really liked the theme of the poem, it's sad, but the way you wrote it, it hits the reader deep. Especially at the end with the lines:

"Lips that sold cheap parlor tricks."

Very creatively put, and the reader can almost see it in their mind.

And:

"And that rough hands were all that I could feel."

That last line really stays with the reader, and slams into them like a sucker punch to the jaw, really tying together the poem and closing it as a whole. I feel a sort of soft loneliness in the poem that works well, and the mood is very well-established.

Cons: Really, I have only two complaints about this poem, and they're both very minor, that you don't even have to change if you don't want to.
1.) Although I like the first stanza of the poem, I'm not really sure how it fits in with the rest of the poem, but maybe that's just me.
2.) I'm not sure if I particularly like the title; it's kinda long and confusing and puts the reader off from reading an amazing piece of work. Try something short and sweet, but meaningful, like you did with the poem itself.

Anyway, thanks for sharing a really incredible piece of work! I really enjoyed it. Keep it up!

Silver