When I'm with you I feel ten feet tall
When you look at me with your smile I feel protected
When you laugh it sends chills of pleasure down my spine
But when your gone the nightmare begins it's course
I feel cold inside when your arms aren't there to keep my soul warm
You are the light that shines my way to the gate that opens to my freedom
And without you I'm dead inside
I feel like a dead rose and only your sunlight brings my life back
When your gone I beg that you come back to my side
Because I'm frozen in this darkness of infidelity
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
your poem contains a deeo expression of personal feelings and you did a great job in expressing them, but only that the expression was too indepth for a third person to comprehend. that aside your poem does not carry any punctuation at all which made it difficult to read
stanza 2 "But when your gone the nightmare begins it's course
I feel cold inside when your arms aren't there to keep my soul warm
You are the light that shines my way to the gate that opens to my freedom
And without you I'm dead inside".
You can see that line 2&3 are too long making the poem uninterestin.
But with a little work this poem will be great
I liked this poem. It did a great job with conveying how much the speaker cares about the other person. My favorite part is the image you give when you say that their arms make the soul warm.
My only critique, as this is truly a heart-felt poem, is that maybe even the poem out with an extra stanza about how when they return, the speaker is once again rejuvenated by their presence.
Very nice.
-Danyelle
I really like this whole stanza and the whole poem "But when your gone the nightmare begins it's course I feel cold inside when your arms aren't there to keep my soul warm
You are the light that shines my way to the gate that opens to my freedom
And without you I'm dead inside" I like this part especially about the persons soul being warmed. I also like how you connected her feelings to a dead rose! Very, very good imagery! I absolutely adore this poem! Keep writing and PM me if you need a review!
-KAH