An Introduction
In the end it wasn’t the sun, it was us that destroyed the earth.
Our home did not burn up in flames nor did it drown. It died of a broken heart; though you may argue my romanticism of the events of your future it is my core belief that hate is how the earth met its end. As the earth grew hotter we grew colder. Our hearts cold like the snow that never fell. Love became a story told through quite breaths. A story of the past which few remembered well enough to tell. The heat caused sickness to spread, like a forest alit with flames. Every day more died, and we grew more divided. We hated so strongly, so we did as we had always done before when we were faced with an insurmountable problem. We went to war. Allies were scarcely found. We fought for whatever we could, whatever was left. We fought to survive.
And then it came out of the darkness of our dying age, hope. They called it a new beginning, New Earth. How could we have known how it would all end?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello,
I like the foreboding essence this has.
I'm working on something similar, like a doomed-earth thing. I don't know how else to describe it. Haha.
The idea I assume is very focused, but how it is presented I think you may have tried to squeeze in a lot in a short space, which is good - keeping your prose lean- but some things that have such a prominent effect on the story, I think needs to be slowly addressed.
The last three sentences take this piece overboard, in my opinion.
'We fought to survive', I feel is a much better end for this introduction.
'As the earth grew hotter we grew colder', I think you mean 'colder' in a symbolic sense, as in the people lost warmth in themselves and interactions, but that's not made completely clear and together with 'earth grew hotter' I tend to think of these both meaning temperature.
Earth, by the way, always needs capitalization, just as Sun, and all the other planets.
I think the vagueness of the piece is good, except to be more dramatic I think would be to make it leaner than it is. Otherwise, you could emphasize just a little more and add either a character's presence or some hint as to what exactly the war was about or who the war was with.
Anyway, that's all just my opinion. I hope this helps. And I really enjoyed this piece.
I like this story. It really put in some great perspective that is totally new but original.
There are some grammatical errors though.
I think that was supposed to be quiet, not quite.
Other than that, the intro was great and I can't wait for more!