winter breathes, before the dawn
in shapes of snowflakes and longing,
the shapes of tears and quiet, questing whispers
of ancient trees and cold mountains old;
pain unseen whispers and mourns
the echo after the storm
summer breathes, after the dusk
in shapes of leaves and belonging,
the shape of a sigh and quiet, questing whispers
of ancient trees and cold mountains old;
pain unseen whispers and mourns
the echo after the storm
spring breathes, under the moonlight
in shapes of flowers and pollen,
the shape of laughter and quiet, questing whispers
of ancient trees and cold mountains old;
pain unseen whispers and mourns
the echo after the storm
fall breathes, with the sunlight
in the shapes of rot and decay,
the shape of despair and quiet, questing whispers
of ancient trees and cold mountains old;
pain unseen whispers and mourns
the echo after the storm
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Before I start the review I have to say, your poem was very beautiful and I liked it very much. The poem was consistent from beginning to end. I love how you use imagery in it, describing seasons and each having different shapes. Not to mention how you use first stanza (verse 3-6) and the repetition throughout the poem. Like:
"the shapes of tears and quiet, questing whispers
of ancient trees and cold mountains old;
pain unseen whispers and mourns
the echo after the storm"
Although not word for word in each stanza it gets the meaning across. As far as criticism goes, I don't have any words for it. If I had to scrape the bottom of the barrel and feel free the overlook it, the start of each verse isn't capitalized.
Goodnight, good morning, and good afternoon; RokitaVivi signing out.
Hello! The alpaca has barged in another Green Room work to give a review! This poem is really pretty from its structure to its rhymes. Let's go review! Also, I'll be trying something new today.
I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method Today!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
The seasons are a beautiful topic to touch upon in any sort of literature. You start with winter, which is interesting since many people like to start with spring then end at winter. The entire poem follows the same structure with only changes in seasons and their descriptions. The changes are slight but significant, showing how the seasons are all in tandem with each other and need each other and are alike despite their differences.
Slightly Burnt Marshamallow - Room for Improvements
This is also unlike most poems I've seen as you barely changed most of the poem. As far as I observe, you followed this pattern and only substituted other fitting words.
Although this may seem particularly genius, I find it strange that you didn't change the last three lines of the stanza. You could have made slight changes to them to keep the poem varied, interesting, yet still following a certain pattern.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Perhaps the very thing I critiqued is one that I should also praise. The consistency and constancy you applied with this pattern develops the reader to get a warm feeling of comfort. After all, for some people, these four seasons are the norm, so they feel comforted in seeing things go the way it is. If you tried making it chaotic, it may have made less sense, because you are trying to make something constant and mostly reliable into something unreliable. (not sure if you get where I'm going but yeah hahaha)
I also like the imagery you used, vivid and crisp, you tantalize the reader's mind, so great job with that too!
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this is a beautiful poem, beautifully linked together. It feels like reading a song of old that describes the seasons. Well done!
This is alpacaboss, signing off!
Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a review!
My interpretation:
This poem is about the four seasons and the emotions they represent. Winter is a time of pain and suffering; summer is a time of relaxation; spring is a time of laughter; fall is a time where everything is dying
I really liked the repetition and structure of the poem, it really ties everything. Additionally, I think you have a really strong imagery here!
Keep up the good work!
—GengarIsBestBoy