12+

Dark Wind - I

PreviousNext

So. Element-bending is an Avatar thing, generally. Don't get this mixed up with with it. It's an original work, but with the idea of bending elements to one's will. Crit and comments welcome! This is a really old peice, so I don't know how good it is. Enjoy~

One

I stood there, staring across the bridge at the Firebenders. There were five of them. All were Firebenders. I tightened my grip and dropped my staff forwards; I was not a threat—yet. But still, the Firebenders made me nervous. Who had they sent to greet us? Who stood opposite us now? I could only hope they didn’t have orders to destroy. I was the last of my kind, or the only one. I couldn’t be sure either way.


Spiritbender. No one had ever heard of one before; someone who could use not just all six elements, but a seventh. Spirit. I was unique, one of a kind. Of course, my brother and sister had spirit but not full control over the element like me. No, nothing like me; both of my siblings also knew Waterbending, along with their Metalbending and Woodbending. It was unusual, and confusing. Why did I have full control over all the elements and Spirit when no one else did? I had too many questions and not enough answers.


Frustrated, I turned my attention to my companions, hoping to distract myself from all the jumbled up thoughts in my mind. It was a good distraction. At least, for the moment, if I could ignore the Firebenders across from us.


On either side of me stood the Waterbenders, Soren and Sarii, the prince and princess of Water. They were my closest friends, the first ones (other than my siblings) I told about Spirit. Soren was glaring at the figure directly across from him and Sarii was concentrating; probably on the water below us. To our left was the Earthbender, Mauta. He was the King of Earth. To our right was the Airbender, Griselda, or Zelda to her friends and family. She was the Queen of Air.


Mauta had his eyes closed, his hands loose at his sides. I knew he was planning to use his Earthbending skills if needed. I glanced towards Zelda; she was staring straight ahead and slightly to her left, at the figure in the middle. I could only guess at what she was thinking.


Behind me stood my brother and sister; my brother, Kohar, was the Metalbender and my sister, Aqila, the Woodbender. She had made the three of us wooden staffs. Hers was plain while my brother’s had silver patterns covering it. He had decorated it with metal, and I had done the same, except my staff had gold, silver and bronze decoration.


Finally, my attention went back to the Firebenders. And suddenly, I knew who stood in the centre. It was the Prince of Fire, Cassian. I swore under my breath, causing Soren to glance my way. This could turn out bad.


“What is it?” he asked, frowning.


His sister never moved; her concentration never broke. I admired her for that, because my concentration was shot. I couldn’t stand there and hear the noise around me, the conversation, the swearing, and not move. I was too curious for my own good. I suppose that’s how we ended up here, facing five Firebenders, one of them the Prince of Fire.


“The one in the centre,” I said in a low voice. “It’s the Prince of Fire.” Soren stared at me, swore and went to turn back. “Don’t!” I hissed and he froze. He felt the power in my voice, the pull of Spirit. I never did it on purpose, and he would be angry at me later, but right now he couldn’t turn back. If any of us did, Cassian would know a weakness. “If anyone turns back, they’ll see us as weak. He’ll see us as weak.”


Soren returned to his position and stared at Cassian, eyes narrowed. I frowned, judging the distance, thinking over all possible plans I could come up with. Best case scenario, the Prince just decides to talk and walks across to meet us. Worst case scenario, he decides we’re a threat and orders the Firebenders to kill us. I shivered, trying not to make it too obvious. I hoped he’d just talk, and not try to kill us. If he knew who we were, he’d know I was the threat. Then again, water and earth, and sometimes air, were strong against fire while wood and metal were weak.


We waited for a long time, just watching each other, then finally, Cassian turned to one of the Firebenders and that Firebender took off back towards the city behind them. He must have ordered her back to the city; probably to tell someone about us. Then he turned back and walked forwards, across the bridge nature had made. The other Firebenders didn’t move; they probably had orders to wait. To stay and wait for the order he would give them.


I glanced towards my companions. “Stay here,” I said, “Soren, with me.”  Then I began to move forwards, slowly, giving both Soren and the Firebending Prince time to back off if they wanted to. Neither one of them did.


I stopped short when the prince came within hearing distance. We stood about a metre apart now, the prince and I. Soren stood behind me and to my right, ready to intervene if needed. I had a feeling he wouldn’t be needed.



“Who are you?” Cassian asked, eyes narrowed as he took in my appearance. Then he took note of Soren. “A Waterbender? Don’t you trust me?” He chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well? Who are you and what do you want?”


“What makes you so sure he’s needed?” I shot back, face blank. He laughed. I glanced towards Soren, who backed off a few steps. “Better?”


He nodded. “Now, what do you want?” I winced at the anger he put into his voice. Cassian frowned, watching me. That was the downside to Spirit; I felt intensified emotions, just as much as I forced them on other people. “What are you?”


“I’m a Spiritbender,” I told him. His eyes went wide. “I also bend all other elements.”


“There’s no such thing,” he breathed, “No one could bend all six elements perfectly.”


“Would you like me to show you?” I asked but Cassian didn’t answer he just stared at me. I sighed. “I will start with the element you know best then.”


And so I called fire to me, and it came. I held out my right hand, showing him the flame licking at my skin, showing him that it didn’t hurt me and I didn’t care if it did or not. Water healed; and I had two Waterbenders with me, and myself, who could also Waterbend.


“So you can bend fire,” he said, dismissing me. He laughed and waved a hand at me. I sent the flame away and smiled. I twisted my staff in my hand, watching him. He frowned at me.


“I’m not done yet,” I told him and called water to me. It shot into the air on either side of the bridge and came to hover over us, a large orb of liquid hanging in the air. Cassian jerked upright, hands at his side. He stared up at the water, eyes wide. “Water,” I said, even though it was obvious.


After a few minutes he claimed down and I sent the water away, twisted my staff in my hands again. He was wary now; ah, so he didn’t like water. I grinned. Cassian glared at me.


“Earth,” I told him and summoned earth. The ground around us trembled and rocks started to float. “Do you believe me yet?”


Cassian glared at me. “No. So you can bend fire, water and earth. That’s hardly amazing.”


I chuckled and gave him another smile. “Who said I’m done yet?” I told him and called air to me, twisting our clothes around us and whipping my hair into the air. Then I made the area around us still while everywhere else it was a gale. We were the eye of the storm, the two of us. “Air,” I shouted and then suddenly it was gone.


Cassian was startled. “Air too?” He shook his head. “Impossible.”


I laughed. “Still two to go,” I told him and called wood to me, turning my wooden staff into a tree with silver and gold and bronze round the trunk. Leaves spouted on both ends as I held it level in front of me.


“Wood?” he whispered and then fell silent, staring at the staff in my hands. I returned it to its original state and chuckled at the look on his face. Eyes wide, mouth hanging open. It was amusing.


“Yes, that was wood,” I said and stood still, waiting. He watched me, startled. I had bent five of the six elements already. I would show him the next element soon enough, and then I would show him spirit. “Shall I show you the next?” I asked.


“Metal,” he said and nodded. He seemed sure I wouldn’t be able to do it. I smirked.


“Watch the staff,” I said and closed my eyes, calling for metal. I felt the gold and the silver and the bronze on the staff move, bending to my will. I felt it twist into complicated shapes and it was beautiful, even in my mind. Slowly, I returned the precious metals to their original states and opened my eyes. “Metal,” I said slowly.


“That is impossible!” he gasped, eyes on mine. I gazed back at him coolly. He snapped his mouth shut, clenched his teeth together and stared at me, eyes hard and angry. He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out.


“Didn’t I just show you it isn’t?” I questioned, angry now. He shut his mouth and glared at me. “Shall I show you Spirit now?” I asked, trying to stay calm.


He nodded; it was a jerky movement, a swift up and down. “Show me,” he said, “whatever this Spirit is.”


I nodded and called Soren forwards. “Hold this,” I told him and handed him my staff. He took it in one hand and stepped back. “You might want to brace yourself,” I warned, but I don’t think Cassian listened; he just crossed his arms again and watched me. Gaze narrowed, eyes hard.


I shrugged and centred myself, eyes on his. And then I called Spirit to me, and let it go. It sent both of them to their knees, and me as well. I went down on one knee, a hand on the ground, digging in my fingers. It was a bad idea, a bad, bad idea; a very, very bad idea. I couldn’t control it, and instead, it was controlling me. I ground my teeth together, trying to force the element to cease, to stop; to return to where it came from, locked inside of me, but it didn’t, it wouldn’t.


My other knee went down, as did my hand, I dug my fingers into the dirt, eyes now closed. I was whispering under my breath, begging the element to go back where it came from, deep inside of me. I still felt it; still felt the element surging around us. Finally, I pulled it back, just enough to control it. I was panting from the effort of controlling Spirit, and when I opened my eyes, there were tears in Cassian’s eyes.


“What...” he gasped, wiping at his eyes. “What was that?”


I took a few deep breaths and gave him a weak smile. “That was Spirit,” I told him. I didn’t move, didn’t dare to move yet. I felt weak, shaky. I noticed that his hands were shaking, and he was trying to hide the tears in his eyes, the pain, the emotion. I swallowed, lowered my gaze. Let him think I didn’t see it, I told myself.


And then Soren was there, offering me a hand. Gratefully, I accepted it and let him help me up. He pressed my staff back into my hands and stepped back, a hand on my lower back just in case something happened.


I looked up to see Cassian on his feet, arms at his sides, his gaze guarded. “That was spirit?” he asked, wary again. I nodded. “It was...powerful.” I nodded. “It was impossibly powerful... Crippling...” The Firebender was muttering to himself now, ignoring us.


I tightened my grip on my staff, eyes on the Prince of Fire. He was running a hand through his hair, his eyes on the island to my left; The Island where I was born and where I grew up, the place that had been my home until just a few months ago. I sighed and Cassian turned back to me.


He assessed me slowly, taking in the young woman he saw before him. Then he shook his head, glancing back to the three Firebenders who remained. Obviously what he saw in me didn’t live up to any expectations. I chuckled under my breath, shooting Soren a glance. He turned and head back to the others. They would camp there tonight while I was to go into the heart of the Fire nation; alone.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Sun Jul 28, 2013 8:38 am

Hey Scarli :)

So I have no idea what Avatar is about because I have never been bothered enough to watch it. So all this was new to me. But I really like the whole bending concept, and I think it was a good choice to showcase the abilities a little bit in this first chapter.

Quick little nitpick: After a few minutes he claimed down and I sent the water away. (I think you mean calmed)

As for the main character, she's very interesting. She seems twisted and daring and like there is more to her than meets the eye. I'm looking forwards to getting to know her better. One thing that bugged me though, is that we know all her friends/family members names, but we don't know hers yet. Maybe when she is talking to Soren you should get him to address her by name? That way we can know it.

I liked how the end of the chapter finished off with the words alone. It seemed final and slightly daunting, and I'm looking forwards to learning about the Fire nation in the next chapter.

The idea you have here is good, and I'm looking forwards to reading more of it. So keep writing ^^

Deanie x

Her name is mention in the next "chapter". Which I should probably post at some stage.

Random avatar
ShadowHunter
Review

I like the idea you have going on here and it was interesting to read, but you where right, the bending thing very closely resembled Avatar. I think it would help if you went into a bit more detail as to how this world works instead of just letting our imaginations roam free. I think it would also be extremely helpful to the reader if you described the peoples and settings in more detail. You only give us the bones of the detail, so we really don't know what to make of any of the characters or what the heroin thinks of them. Even telling us that someone looks cute will give the readers a better insight into the mind of tour character and her relationships with everyone around her. I'm also going to tell you that, in my opinion, your character seems just a bit too perfect. She doesn't really seem to have anything wrong with her other than being the last of her kind, and even that is glanced over. How does she feel about being alone? Is she bitter that no one understands her, so she covers it up with a misleading exterior? What is your character's chip on their shoulder that makes them even more lovable and understandable? Is she a jaded warrior who just wants to live in peace? Is she a young soul who still holds a bit of wonder in her eyes every time something unexpected happens to her? Give us something that will help us to connect to the character on a more personal base. Definitely going to read more of your story, and remember, just keep writing!

Hai. Awesome to see a fellow avatard among the masses:D It's also good that you mention in the very beginning that the concept is heavily reliant on the Avatar storyline. Funnily enough, I remember my first ever piece of writing also involved benders of all sorts.

You know what? Since your piece is so similar, why don't you write this as a fanfic? Or better, create a storybook of Avatar - Legend of (Somebody)? That'd be awesome and I'm totally joining! The possibilities are endless here... One could write an entire saga about the Cabbage Guy :D Or Ty Lee's time in the circus, or anything like that.
But seriously, I like your writing style and I think you have great potential! So keep up the great work, whatever you choose to write about;)
Thanks for the read! I'm out ^^
~Polinka

Random avatar
Bugslake
Comment

Definitely old work, but not everyone knows about Avatar or what it's about. I, for one, am not an Avatar fan. I kind of know what is going on, but I recommend helping the readers understand what is going on here. There aren't very many Avatar fans that I know of, but I am only one person.

There are many, many Avatar fans. But you are nonetheless right.



Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
— Henry David Thoreau