Published July 2, 2014
Chapter 3: The Remaining Survivors
A bright light shined upon my face. I flinched, lifting my hands to protect my eyes from the shock of the blinding light, but my hands we’re tied, so we’re my legs. As much as I pulled and struggled, I could not break free of the ropes, I finally managed to open my eyes.
The light above me made my eyes water, I blinked continuously trying to get used to it. Than my heart stopped. I realized something.
Wheres Xander?
"X-an....X-an-d-er..Xander…." I choked out, my throat was painfully dry, my voice cracked as I tried to speak.
I licked my dry lips and tried to swallow.
What happened? I thought to myself.
"Good morning sunshine." A raspy voice spoke, breaking my thoughts.
"W-where am i?"
Once my eyes had adjusted, I looked around at my surroundings. I was in a small room, my legs and arms we’re tied to a chair that had been nailed to the ground with \small hinges.
The walls we’re white and, to the left of me was a glass window, it was too dark to see through, I could feel eyes watching me from the other side.
My heart began to race, the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I tried to stay calm, I looked up, infront of me was a tall dark figure, in a camouflage vest and pants, he had various badges across his chest and shoulders.
The figure loomed over me, the light casting shadows across the walls.
"W-who are you?" I finally managed to say.
It took several seconds, but the figure finally spoke.
"My name is General Jackson, I work for the United States army…and you are?" He said in a raspy voice.
I gulped, "My name is Fawn…Fawn Shone."
He glared at me, his gaze blank and emotionless.
"I see…" He took a couple steps towards me, the soles of his shoes clumped against the hard concrete floor.
"Well ‘Fawn Shone’, I’m General Jackson Will, But you may refer to me as Sir or Jack.." He held his hands behind his back.
"Miss Shone, or Fawn as I may, I am somewhat very interested in you."
He glared at me, his eyes we’re like a sea-sick green, like staring into the ocean after a storm.
His hair was jet-black, he had it slicked back with gel, he also had a black mustache.
His appearance was somewhat intimidating, his "I want to burry you alive" stare wasn’t helping either.
"That little fight you put up at the hospital wasn’t very smart Miss Shone."
His voice broke my thoughts and I looked at him.
"Well your buddies we’re trying to kill me…what did you expect me to do? Build my own coffin and wait for someone to blow my head off?" I said sharply.
What I said must have been funny, because he began laughing.
"You find that funny?" I snapped.
His face was suddently serious again.
"Listen, Miss Shone the only reason your alive now is because of your little stunt at the hospital.
It was a very foolish thing to do. . .yet it showed the courage and the bravery every person wishes they had.
I’m going to do something I rarely do."
"And what would that be?" I said, doing my best to be bold.
"I’m going to offer you a choice."
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This one isn't as dated and was done about 4 months ago.
I have been working a bit on my grammar and punctuation this last month. I'm gaining more experience now than I was back than. Like I've said before: I won't do anything too this until the entire book is done and I'm able to change things and fix grammar and punctuation issues.
Feel free to point out grammar and punctuation issues. It will be helpful for when I do edit this.
Thank You!
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Canary word: Present
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130,210 Literary Works • 671,512 Reviews
I love your ideas already and I've really only skimmed. I didn't notice any grammar errors but my own is usually an atrocity so I'm not a good sorce for all things grammar. It looks like you know what you're doing, you have good imaging and a storyline people want to hear about. I loo forward to hearing more of this and perhaps one day finding it in the library.
Thanks! I appreciate your review, thank you for looking over this! All advice and such is helpful!
Thank You! All reviews are appreciated it helps me know what needs to be fixed once I edit it later on. As for the punctuation issues and the sentence structure. That all will be fixed in the long run and I give you thanks for pointing that out! I'm glad you liked the story and thank you again for the review!
Good chapter, a few mistakes.
"W-where am i?"
Make sure to use I not i.
I like this plot of the USA army being our enemy. It's good and it's pretty realistic. You did a great job, just be more careful. Grammar Grammar! Don't forget! But you're doing great, and we all have grammar issues! When we are in a hurry and all.
I like how you did the "Well ‘Fawn Shone’" thing. It reminds me of that Jake from State Farm commercial(:
Love the describing of his eyes, it's great. I can already imagine him in my head!
Well~ you did amazingly great agian(:
Lub you bunches,
Your Co-Author lol
Lol, Jake from state-farm! I love reviews, thanks for giving me this one. It'll come in handy when I actually bother to fix the grammar and punctuation issues.