Young Writers Society

Hi!

I thought that you did an overall good job with the imagery in this poem. I think you found a really unique way of capturing the sights around you and putting them down in words.

My favorite part of this piece is the word choice. I loved how you used "glistening tarmac" and "teetering motorbike". Its so much better to have descriptions like that than to just use bland an boring words. I think these words not only provide a better description of the world around you, but also apply a strong emotion of wonder and curiosity that radiates through the narrators thoughts.

My only suggestion would be to possibly extend the description of what you're seeing. I would add more about the objects and movements you're seeing, as well as the shades of light and the speed of the rain to really add to the poem. Also, I'm not a big fan of repeating the part about your fractured eyes. It seems a bit unnecessary to me.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the concept and execution of the piece. It was very well written, and the errors were minimal. Hope you enjoyed this review. Keep writing and working hard. Can't wait to see what you write in the future!

-E

Hi!

I thought I would pop in, not exactly for a review, but just because I love this poem so much! I honestly think DarshayataDeka has said most of the things which I too would have said. I especially loved the vivid and clear images you portrayed in your poem, because as a reader it helped me to visualize every line, every verse. I felt as I was standing in the rain as well, seeing with my own eyes all that you described above. There was so much beauty in your descriptions also.
This poem was just impressive! I urge you to keep writing!

Rosalía.

Ok, so I understood the poem very well. Its about the blurry things which we see when we don a pair of spectacles (if our vision is alright) or remove our glasses (if we are short sighted). To be frank, the image which we see is not that blurry, it is, as you tried to express through the poem, picturesque and crystal-like. Speaking of the poem, it was very beautifully and sensitively written. I loved it! The way you formatted the poem was new and something original to me. Calling the eyes fractured because of the way they made you see things was a nice, poetic choice. There were no grammatical errors. Your poem was simple and short, and yet quaint and descriptive. It was rich in imagery. I could visualize everything in front of my eyes. It was teeming with beauty, life and poetic expressions. Personally, I think your poem is a metaphorical representation of how we see the world through our fractured perspectives blurred by prejudice and a delusion that no one but we are superior. Overall, it was a wonderful poem. You are a perfectionist. Keep up the amazingly fabulous work!

This review is brought to you by InfiniteRectangles

Hello there! InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!

I should probably say that I haven't done a review in quite a while so I'm a bit rusty at this, but I'll give it a go anyway.

First, I'll say that I loved this poem. I'm assuming the "fractured eyes" are glasses, and I can definitely relate as I wear glasses myself. I loved your use of imagery in this poem. The formatting is a little weird, but I like the wavy pattern it has.

I see the teetering motorbike,

the streaked building facade,

silver lights bobbing like a floating flame,

through my fractured eyes.